A life skill coach personal development idea:

Quality of Questions Affects the Quality of Relationships With Clients, Employees and Others

BY JAMIE WALTERS

Reprinted with permission. See below.

Discover how the quality of the questions you ask makes a significant difference in the success of your business.

Inquiry — or asking questions (and then listening to the responses) — is one of the core building blocks of good communication. "So what," you might say, "I ask questions all the time." It's true — people talk much, but how well and to what end? The quality of your questions affects the quality of the information you receive and the actions you might take based on that information.

The problem?

I've never spoken with someone who believes (or admits) that he or she has a communication skill deficit, even when feedback from others seems to indicate that a communication problem exists. Most of us want to communicate well, and want to be seen as someone who communicates skillfully, but it's hard to hear about what we do poorly. So we don't ask many of the questions that would give us the answers we need to understand more accurately, take action more appropriately and build relationships more productively.

So here are a few tips for all those "other" people — you know, the ones who know they can be doing more to communicate more skillfully, thus building stronger, deeper relationships with employees, clients and others with whom they interact each day.

Why you don't ask (and what does it cost you)?

Why don't we inquire more deeply, ask certain types of questions? Several reasons, including:

We don't want to hear the answer;

We assume we already know the answer;

We fear conflict or controversy (and emotional response);

We fear we lack the skill to handle the response;

We don't know what to ask, or what we don't know.

Yet not asking the right questions leaves our communication unfinished, and increases the likelihood for unproductive resentment, misunderstanding and, ultimately, conflict and tangible after-effects such as:

Intra-office conflict;

Decreased productivity;

Diminished performance;

Increased employee turnover;

More missed deadlines;

Increased client dissatisfaction;

Increased client turnover;

Lost revenue.

Practical action plan

Adopt an attitude of inquiry - As you know, our intention or attitude greatly influences our actions and their outcomes. Adopt an attitude of inquiry, of genuine interest in learning something new about the people with whom you work (or, if adapting this for home use, the people with whom you live). Aim for the goal of learning at least two things from each person that you can adopt in your behavior immediately.

Do a mini-audit - Drawing from your "gut instinct", make a list of individuals on your staff or client list that you feel there might be something "hanging" or unsaid, something blocking a completely trusting and satisfying relationship with regards to the work you do together. Visualize recent interactions, and see which of those offer clues to to where there might be tension, discomfort, unshared expections or unspoken questions. Who among them has never told you what makes them tick or what's most important to them about working with you?

Jot down a few questions — Take a few minutes, based on the list you created, to jot down a few open-ended questions that will allow you to learn more about the person, including their expectations and primary motivations with regards to your mutual work. What questions might you ask to gather valuable information? Here are a few options:

Employees

What's most important to you about work in general (your career)?

What's most important to you about your work here?

If this organization was to change today, what would you hope would stay the same?

What do I do that helps you do your best work?

If you were advising a client on the highest priorities for encouraging the best work from their employees, what would you advise?

If you were my advisor and had to tell me two things I could do differently or better to allow you to do even better work, what would they be?

Clients

What's most important to you about working with a vendor?

What would you not want to happen in working with a vendor?

Picture the ideal relationship, where you feel extremely satisfied and well-served by a vendor. What specific things might the vendor have done to give you that impression?

Picture your worst-case vendor nightmare scenario. What's that vendor doing to give you that impression?

If we were going to adjust how we worked with you, what would you want to ensure we continued doing?

What's the ideal way for you to receive information in order to feel completely confident that you have nothing to worry about?

What other questions might you add to this list?

Conduct a few interviews

Based on the questions you've prepared, ask a select number of employees, friends and clients for feedback. This can be an intimidating task, so remind yourself of the benefits you can gain by doing so: greater trust, deepened relationships, and information that will allow you (and others) to move ahead with greater satisfaction and productivity. How do you do such an audit? Simply schedule a time to speak with each person, perhaps over coffee or lunch, and let them know your intention is to get some feedback from them that can allow you to work together more effectively. Then pull out your question list!

Ask the question, then open your ears

Many people may tell us what we want to hear because they fear our response to the truth. Perhaps we've invited feedback in the past, only to squelch it with defensive reactions (or seemingly listened, only to exhibit the same behavior thereafter). Have a notepad and a pen handy so you can take notes, and resist the urge to interrupt while the person is speaking. If questions or defensive "yeah, but" responses do arise, ask another question (See the tip sheets below on "Listening" and "Tough discussion quick tips").

Incorporate inquiry into daily conversations

Now that you've gotten started, incorporate inquiry into your day-to-day conversations with employees and clients. For example, in a meeting about a new project, approach the conversation as an opportunity to ask questions versus just telling others what to do or what you will do. Inquiry allows you to arrive at the action list together. For ongoing projects, asking questions along the way helps eliminate the need for "after the fact" problem-solving.

© Jamie S. Walters, Ivy Sea, Inc. San Francisco, CA (www.ivysea.com). Reprinted with permission. No additional reprint, distribution, or reproduction in any form without express permission or VIP membership from Ivy Sea, Inc.

HOW CAN YOU FOSTER GROWTH AND GET VALUES FROM EMPLOYEES?

Readers know that business is a complex system whose facets include inspiration, people, finances, goals, logistics, strategy, the market, stressors and glee (among other things). One of the primary sources of this complexity is employees. Deciding when, how and whom to hire; how to develop the employee; and when the relationship has run its course are a few of the everyday challenges on a leader's plate. Overlay this topic onto the business plan and it's easy to see where "the employee factor" requires nimble - but assured - footing in the bottom line and the vision of your business.

It's a balancing act

Employers hire additional staff members to fill a void in their organizations. The goal is to bring someone on board who can contribute in meaningful ways right away, with the understanding that there will be a learning curve and a correlational rise in business-relevant skills.

Similarly, most employees stay within organizations because of the continual learning experiences and growth. By allowing their gifts to flourish, an employer is strengthening employees' commitment to the organization and the value they offer.

Successful business balances the tightrope between getting the performance needed from employees (a contribution for which it is paying, in most cases, a very fair wage), and allowing each employee to grow into the roles that will ultimately serve the organization on a greater level. Business leaders must know where this balance rests with each employee so that the individuals don't feel that they're stagnating, and the business isn't paying an employee to learn on the company's dime while not contributing, in turn, to the bottom line. Ideally, each employee should help "make the pie bigger," which benefits all of the group's participants. In less desirable instances, an employee just contributes to the equivalent of paying his own salary, but doesn't enrich or enlarge the pie in any way. In the worst scenario, an employee, for whatever reason, actually contributes to a shrinking pie by consuming more resources from the company than he is in turn contributing.

It makes good business sense

Finding and keeping good employees is always at or near the top of business leaders' lists of challenges. Allowing an employee to grow while reaping the benefits that you are paying for is key to meeting this challenge:

Not allowing for this growth can spin a leader and his or her business into the revolving-door of employee recruitment and retention. The employee base will continually churn once individuals feel that the relationship no longer benefits them.

Tapping an individual's gifts increases job satisfaction and puts his or her "best self" to work for your business (as opposed to asking a strategist to do detail-focused work, for instance).

Referrals from top employees are a successful way to recruit qualified new employees. If current employees enjoy their work, they'll serve as advocates for other like-minded people to join the organization.

Satisfied, engaged employees can increase productivity and service levels, which can lead to more successful business. (However you define success.)

You might not have envisioned how an employee's innate gifts could support your business, and yet the talents are a windfall once applied!

But it can be tough

Sound easy? It can be, but don't count on it. The time and energy required to allow an employee's gifts to flourish, and to apply those gifts in valuable ways for the organization, can seem staggering and be draining. As with any business decision, leaders have to ask themselves, "How many of our resources are we willing to put towards this effort before we see a return. And how will that return make our investment worthwhile?"

Here's the tough part: While an employee is growing, leaders have to ensure that the individual continues to fulfill the needs of business, and isn't taxing other elements of the business, such as coworkers who are picking up workload slack or resources that are expended in excess of a healthy investment in someone's growth and development.

Five Ways to Make the Relationship Mutually Rewarding

Set clear expectations and milestones — If an employee doesn't know what is expected of her, how can she fulfill it, much less exceed it? Discuss expectations with all employees, and set milestones to gauge individuals' progress.

Provide context for the expectations and the desired effect on the business — Knowing the business' big picture allows an employee to see where he might contribute talents other than the ones you've identified as applicable to the success of the business and his growth. Welcoming this participation builds commitment, too.

Discuss the rewards that the employee and the business will reap — Employees who understand how their ideas and actions benefit them and the business simultaneously will make decisions that support a mutually rewarding relationship. Also, a respectful employer-employee relationship is partially based on the understanding that a business is paying for specific services from the employee, and that money comes from other areas of the business, such as the potential bonus pool, the allotment for professional development, or profit margins that help build company stability and opportunity - things that are usually of interest and benefit to both leaders and employees.

Invite suggestions for growth — Your knowledge of the business and the vision more than qualify you to determine what skills best serve the company. However, an individual is the only one who can unearth his or her own gifts and apply them to the business - for reasons or causes he or she deems worthwhile. Make the most of this symbiotic relationship and encourage employees to suggest ways that they can more fully contribute to the organization. (This request also helps build an employee's sense of worth within the organization.) This can take some practice; many people aren't used to employers taking interest in such things. But with consistent application, you and they can build healthier new habits.

Explain how daily activities can be opportunities for growth — Allowing an employee to grow doesn't mean sending him to multiple seminars and week-long conferences. It's the day-to-day work and interactions that serve as teachers. Identify in-house instances that can support an employee's request to learn more about a specific topic. To strike the balance between contribution and reward, stipulate that mastering these in-house lessons will lead to participation in a seminar. For example, an employee eager to apply natural talents to meeting facilitation can test-run these skills by leading staff meetings and reading topical books before attending a seminar that costs $2,000 and greatly reduces his ability to serve clients for one week.

© Jamie Walters