The Launching Stage Can Test a Mother's Patience

BY BEVERLY ADAMS

Launching children is never easy. But as this poem (which the author says are "new words to Home on the Range") demonstrate that a sense of humor will get you through that stage a little easier.

Mother's Lament

To my daughter for years

The shampoo brought big tears

She resisted the motherly scrub

'Til she found out it's keen

to the boys if she's clean

Now she washes her mop every day.

Hair, hair in the drain.

Wet towels in lumps on the floor.

Shampoo's always gone.

Shower's roaring at dawn

And the mother is turning quite gray.

Hair, hair in the drain.

Mr. Plumber could never maintain.

Oh the scum and the scuzz

keep reminding uzz

That she's growing in beauty each day.

How often at night

have I stood there afraight

and wondered when Junior'd be home

By dawn's early light

What a God-awful sight

I wish to hell Junior'd leave home.

Go, go adelesce', out of sight of your long-suff'ring Mom.

Go sow your wild oat

in some region remote

And leave me my peace and my calm.

Go, go adolesce'

I'm sure that we all will endure.

Just don't confess

I can't take honestness.

I was kinder to parents, I'm sure.

To my kids the refriger is a place that you store

empty pitchers and dishes galore.

They leave just a taste

Say they don't like to waste,

But it's dishwashing that they deplore.

Lunch, lunch from the fridge

Means eat all the food but a smidge.

I open the door

See they've cleaned out the store

And the girls will soon be here for bridge.

I crave a neat spot that is sacred to me

Where I'd hide my scissors and pen,

Where my comb would be mine

And my Scotch tape confined

to a place where I'd find it again.

Mine, mine, not ours.

My pantyhose right in my drawer.

Makeup on my shelf that belongs to myself

Not borrowed and mine nevermore.

He just needs a lamp to light up his pad

He'll take two they really are free

Says, "That table is junk but I could use this trunk

and this chair fits me perfectly."

Clean, clean out the house.

Remove the excess we won't miss.

When your children secede, your possessions recede

And you're stripped down for elderly bliss.

© 1980, Beverly Adams

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR MOTHER?

In Live And Learn And Pass It On People Ages 5 To 95 Share What They've Discovered About Life, Love, And Other Good Stuff, written and compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr., there are numerous "lessons" from people of all ages.

What would you add? Send your lessons to us or to the author.

I've learned that parents always bring up those embarrassing childhood stories at all the wrong moments.

— Age 15

I've learned that if Mom's on a diet, everyone's on a diet.

— Age 10

I've learned that the question parents hate the most is "Why?"

— Age 15

I've learmed that "yuck" is not the best response when your mom tells you what's for dinner.

— Age 12

I've learned that I should never go into my parents' bedroom on Sunday nights.

— Age 13