Site Map of All Support4Change Pages
STAGES OF LIFE
Exploring how we learn from generation to generation and from one developmental phase of life to the next
Introduction
 DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES
Introduction: Navigating Life Cycles to Enhance Personal Development
 The Development Life Cycle
Planning a family, singing the song of a child
Erik Erikson's Developmental Stages
What do you like (and don't like) about your age?
The launching stage can test a mother's patience
My Experience at Age 70
The joys of being 50-plus
My grandmother's house: A trip to the past
A Family's Life Cycle
Are your dreams the same as his?
The invisible marriage contract
Playing the marriage contract game
Is unmarried bliss possible without a marriage license?
GENERATION TO GENERATION
Introduction
Family Rules, Rituals and Myths
What are your family rules?
Common family rituals reinforce family rules
What is your family myth?
A Family's Legacy
Planning for the next generation before it's too late
Advice from professional interviewers
Life review interview questions
A legacy of lessons learned in fifty years
How People Are Influenced by Their Families
Don't notice anything — Excerpt from Never Have Your Dog Stuffed and Other Stuff I've Learned
DEATH AND DYING AS AN INTEGRAL PART OF LIFE
Introduction
Personal Perspectives on Death and Dying
You and I are dying
Where do you find the answer to life after death?
The Body as Battlefield
Faith and religion at the end of life
Make sure you communicate your love
Acceptance—a gift of the heart
Facing the End of Life Together
Trying to guess what a parent wants done
When is it time to talk about stuff that's hard to talk about?
When families don't acknowledge a loved one is dying
Don't put off decisions that MUST be made at the time of death
Trying to guess what a parent wants done
Practical Considerations
The dying patient's bill of rights
Getting a grip
Monetary considerations
Helping to plan for what needs to be done at the end of life
When You're Too Sick to Make Decisions
NOTE: These articles are located in the Health section, but they are listed here because considering what we want done at the end of life and creating a directive for medical care is part of everyone's life.
Introduction to Five Wishes advanced care document
The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can't
The kind of medical treatment I want or don't want
My wish for how comfortable I want to be, for how I want people to treat me, and my wish for what I want my loved ones to know
Signing the Five Wishes form
CAREGIVING FOR YOUR LOVED ONES
Introduction
Caregiving — Another Road to Travel
You and your loved one aren't mind readers
Avoiding power struggles
Why caregivers don't take time for themselves
A caregiver's personal story
A caregiver's manual
Hospice Comfort and Compassion
Hospice care: a compassionate alternative
"But you cannot hide" — Excerpt from Hospice Hounds "
"Preacher Step Aside" — Excerpt from Hospice Hounds
TRANSFORMATION THROUGH LOSS AND CRISIS
Introduction
Funerals and Memorial Services Support Transformation
Planning memorial services that begin the healing journey out of grief
A funeral service that acknowledges the many kinds of connections we have with one another
A semi-traditional funeral program that combined family comments with a more formal service
The celebration of a young man's life offers a unique funeral idea for this special memorial service
Obituary in the Eureka Times-Standard and The Garden of Life
Memorial service program cover and list of the service
Readings from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran and the Art of Blessing the Day
"A letter from the family," which was the eulogy, and Each of Us Has a Name
Waiting for the service to begin on the beach
This surfboard is a powerful symbol of Eli's hobby
Songs Eli enjoyed
Eli's mother joined with the Arcata Interfaith Gospel Choir
Eli's parents carry his ashes to the ocean.
A Buddhist chant is one of the highlights of the ceremony
Parents remove the lid from the wooden urn vase
Pictures reminded the mourners of how much life Eli had squeezed into nineteen years
Allowing Challenge and Crisis to Expand Life
Growth at the margins
Separate but equal: recovering from loss
Should you "transcend" or "transform" your problems?
Turning trauma into transformation
Ways of coping: Creatively expression grief
Profit from life's losses — an excerpt and review of The Daily Six
COPING IN THE WORLD TODAY
Introduction
A perspective on today's anxiety
The basics on generalized anxiety
More about social anxieties and phobias
Handling worries as "signals"
Tips to combat trauma
Fear of flying
Living with purpose when facing a challenge
SPECIAL STAGES OF LIFE FEATURES
Words of Encouragement
Four minute presentation of affirmations for children and adults. [If you don't have a current FLASH program, you can download one for free.]
I Still Remember Them — — Text version
Illustrated poem remembering loved ones when they are no longer in our lives.
Faster connection for self-directed slide show
Slower connection for self-directed slide show
When I Am Gone . . . — — Text version
Self-guided slide show illustrating the continuity of life
For faster connections for self-directed slide show
For slower connections for self-directed slide show
Hit by a Thunderbolt! — Create your own crisis haiku
TOP OF PAGE
CREATING CHANGE
Using life's opportunities to reach your goals, solve your problems, and live your passion
Introduction
CHOOSING TO BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE
Introduction
Perspectives on Why and How People Change
Introduction
Transformation now (or maybe later)
What motivates people to change?
Eleven questions that lead to change
Inner mirrors and closets begin the day
Your mirror and closet: Habit or catalyst for change?
Create your own poem for change — Special Feature
The Journey of Change and Transformation
Introduction
To be the best you can be, it helps to know who you are
Learning from wise Ben Franklin
Reviewing the fabric of your life
Removing the mask that hides your true self
The power of the Serenity Prayer
Breaking fear's hold of the future
Steps to letting go of fear
Keeping your eyes on your goal
Exploring effects of life-changing events
Setting Your Compass
Introduction
Are you following your dreams or someone else's?
Meeting your friendly inner advisor
Memories and questions uncover purpose and passion
What are your highest priorities?
Following your soul
Creating your reality — manifesting your dreams
Right brain goal setting
Who are you?
A life coach self improvement idea: Set SMART goals
Doing your own set: Operating honestly from you own perspective and do you own set
Safety first: Creat an environment in which risk and honesty can grow
Paddle with the current
How we become what we are not— excerpt from The Mandala of Being
HOW TO REACH YOUR GOAL
Introduction
Special Feature: The "I am" poem helps you describe who you are today
Developing a Healthy Ego
Introduction
What does a healthy ego have to do with self-esteem?
Affirmations for self-respect and self-control
Preventing ego from destroying love
Unhooking the Velcro Syndrome
Essential Qualities of the Human Spirit
Introduction
The important role qualities can play in your life
Putting qualities of the human spirit into practice
Developing qualities over a period of time
These qualities can help you thrive in a chaotic world
Lessons of a Recovering Perfectionist
Introduction
Lesson 1: Perfectionism is a pain in the butt
Lesson 2: Giving up control isn't the end of the world
Lesson 3: Be careful in drawing lines in the sand, cement and backyard
Lesson 4: Sometimes you have to get out of the water
Lesson 5: It's never too early to take a good look at one's perfectionistic tendencies
Lesson 6: Diagnosing perfectionism
A Reader's Comment: A View of Perfectionism From "a Ole Farm Boy"
Using Symbols of World Peace and Personal Transformation
Introduction
A cloak of persuasion
Creating a symbol for difficult situations
Seat belts, safety nets, and bungee cords
Bring lots of friends with you
Close encounters with strangers
Making time for zippers
Learning to Forgive
Introduction
Letting go of regrets
Five kinds of guilt
Forgiving yourself and others
Letting go of tension by forgiving others
Lightening your load of guilt by forgiving yourself
It's never too late to forgive
Asking for forgiveness
A father's apology to his son
Opening the heart after you've been wounded
Forgiveness and acceptance of our parents
Photos of person as a child can be a tool in forgiveness
IMAGERY FOR TRANSFORMATION AND HEALTH
Introduction: Images and Symbols: The Glue of Habit, the Lubricant of Change
Part One: Opening Both Sides of the Brain
Chapter One: You need both sides of your brain
Chapter Two: Our images can get lost in our "backpacks"
Chapteer Three: Techniques that help you access images
Chapter Four: A manual of guided imagery and other techniques
Chapter Five: There is no one who doesn't have images
Chapter Six: How symbols are created
Chapter Seven: Why imagery techniques work
Chapter Eight: Guidelines for experiencing an imagery exercise
Chapter Nine: Let cds and tapes be your guide
Chapter Ten: Breathing essentials
Chapter Eleven: Easy relaxation techniques
Chapter Twelve: Common techniques when beginning an imagery exercise
Chapter Thirteen: Turning images into action
DO YOU NEED A PERSONAL COACH?
Introduction
Exploring Coaching as a Support System
Introduction
The evolution from therapy to personal life coaching
Your personal life coach: a modern day mentor
Media articles about coaching
Is personal development coaching for you?
What role does advice play in life coaching?
Questions to ask your life coach
How to create a perfect life
Life coaching success stories
Expanding Creativity and Innovation
Introduction
Exercising for Optimism
Clear a Path for Creativity
Who is this Inner Critic? How'd it get into my Head?
Invite the Inner Critic to Leave
What Are You Creating?
Getting Unstuck
Creative Tension
Mentors
Managing Time and Work
Introduction
Design a personal operating system
Prepare for success
Clear a path at work
Can you manage time?
The time of your life
Does time stand still?
Ten minutes, ten toes — no problem!
Clear a path for inner wisdom
Finishing something versus being complete about it
Communicating Honestly
Introduction
Clear a path for communication
The art of listening
Success and communication
De-escalate a conflict
Preventing interpretation from getting in the way of "Just the facts, ma'am . . ."
WHEN TO USE PSYCHOTHERAPY
Introduction
General Information on Therapy
Looking through more than one window
What motivates people to change?
Resources for general mental health issues
When should you go into therapy?
Self-tests and quizzes
Personality types/psychological types
Therapy referral services
Alternative therapies
Finding the Right Therapy for You
Attention deficit disorder/Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
Bipolar disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Codependency
Depression
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
Panic disorder
Schizophrenia
Suicide
RESOURCES FOR CHANGE
Introduction
Recommended websites for creating change
How we select our resources
Increasing couple intimacy: resources for couples and therapists
SPECIAL FEATURES OF THE CREATING CHANGE SECTION
Create your own poem for change
Fill in the blanks for a tanka (an easy poem format)
The "I am" poem helps you describe who you are today
TOP OF PAGE
Relationships
Discovering the healing power of family, friends, and lovers
Introduction
WE ARE ALL CONNECTED
Introduction
The Art of Communication
The art of intimate conversation
Going beyond ordinary listening — "listening plus"
When one person does all the talking
The loving gift of being fully present — Excerpt from "Wake Up or Break Up"
When is a secret toxic and when is it healthy?
The Art of Appreciation
The magic of appreciation
Two magic words
Noticing others' small contributions
The Art of Forgiveness
It's never too late to forgive
Asking for forgiveness
A father's apology to his son
Forgiveness and acceptance of our parents
A story of fear and forgiveness
LOVING ONE ANOTHER
Introduction
What is Love?
Introduction
Love risks rejection
Love enjoys friendly competition
Love is patient with life's difficulties
Discover the Essence of a Loving Relationship
Introduction
The new intimacy — Discovering the magic at the heart of your differences
Searching for a "soulmate"
The difference between co-dependence and inter-dependence
Keeping Intimacy and Romance Alive
Introduction
What sex says about your relationship
Enhancing sexual intimacy
Appreciation and sexuality
Love is profound interest
Stories That Demonstrate the Mystery of Love
Introduction
Mr. Lincoln's Rose
The Heart of Love
True Love
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Introduction
Conflicts Are Inevitable
You have to pick your battles carefully
Prioritizing needs in a blended family
Do you tune out anger rather than express hurt?
Exploring the early origins of an argument
Trust and Affairs
The many levels of betrayal
When someone believes they need an affair
Moving beyond affairs to greater intimacy
When friendship outside a relationship is a threat — Review of Not "Just Friends"
Using a private detective to catch a cheating spouse
Strengthening Relationships
Can only one person change a relationship?
Fair fighting is lovework
Solution focused brief couple therapy
Healing Through Letting Go
Introduction
A good-bye ceremony for couples
Tweeners and Boomarang kids have all kinds of temperments
Introduction to Letting Go of Our Adult Children: When What We Do is Never Enough
PART ONE: Getting Caught up in Our Expectations
Chapter 1: Something Unexpected Happened on the Way to My Ideal Family
Chapter 2: When Children March to Different Drummers
Chapter 3: The Parenting Game
Chapter 4: Letting Go: Easier Said Than Done
PART TWO: Letting Go Leads to Peace
Chapter 5: Shifting Your Focus
Chapter 6: The Velcro Syndrome
Chapter 7: The Heart Slowly Heals
Chapter 8: Letting Go With Love
Chapter 9: Closure When Reconciliation Is Not Possible
Epilogue One
Appendix
THE SILVER AND GOLD OF FRIENDSHIP
Introduction
My special list
Caring for your introvert
Remaining friends with someone who has a terminal illness
THE STRENGTH OF FAMILIES
Introduction
Holidays and Get-togethers
Gathering the family for love and healing
Designing a guilt-free holiday
Holiday energy boosters and drainers
Recognizing our parents' blessing
Telling the truth about alcohol in the family
RESOURCES FOR IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS
Introduction
Increasing intimacy
Books recommended by a therapist for couples and therapists
SPECIAL FEATURES
Create a Dear Someone Poem to express your feelings
TOP OF PAGE
The Workplace
Using life's opportunities to reach your goals, solve your problems, and live your passion
Introduction
DEVELOPING AN INDEPENDENT SPIRIT
Introduction
Conscious leadership: what does it take to be a truly visionary leader?
Sidebar — Independent Spirit, Thinking, and Enterprise
Tenets in common — virtue mastery at work
Sidebar — Recognize Courageous Behavior
Are you assertive or aggressive?
Sidebar — A Tip to Sustain You on Your Visionary Path
THE ROLE OF ETHICS AND SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Introduction
Defining and communicating ethics in your business
Sidebar — Just What Does Social Responsibility Mean These Days?
Ethics brainteaser: where do you draw your line in the sand?
Sidebar — Taking Social Responsibility Personally
CENTERING YOUR EMOTIONS AT WORK
Introduction
Apollo 13 and the definition of failure
Sidebar — Hello Fear. You Don't Exist. Now Go Away.
Wise self talk and the secret of energy
Sidebar — Sometimes, It's Best to Chill
ACHIEVING MEANINGFUL CHANGE
Introduction
Is meaningful change possible?
Sidebar — Strengths Can Light a Pathway Through Change
Exciting disarray — problem or pathway to potential
Sidebar — Make Your Message Matter (because it does!)
A smart goal-setting tip
Sidebar — Closing the Loop — Building Credibility
Managing uncertainty in an economic downturn
Sidebar — Where Do You Deny Your Independent Spirit?
Functioning in a dysfunctional workplace
Sidebar — Three Life-Changing Questions
Twentysomethings, make no excuse: success is within reach— Book Excerpt: My Reality Check Bounced!
Sidebar — Book Review: My Reality Check Bounced!
Be your own press secretary — Book Excerpt: What Got You Here Won't Get You There
Sidebar — Book Review: What Got YOu Here Won't Get You There
Love it or lose: passions and the quest for meaning — Book Excerpt: Success Built to Last
Sidebar — Book Review: Success Built To Last
The case for positive energy — Book Excerpt: The Energy Bus
Sidebar — Book Review: The Energy Bus
Digging through the expectations — Book Excerpt: 20 Something Manifesto
Sidebar — Book Review: 20 Something Manifesto
CREATING A PRODUCTIVE ENVIRONMENT
Introduction
The 4-1-1 on constructive criticism
Sidebar — Nine Tips for Fostering a Respectful Work Environment
Quality of questions affects the quality of your relationshps with clients, employees,and others
Sidebar — How Can You Foster Growth and Get Value From Employees?
How can listening help you interview smarter?
Sidebar — Do You Drive Employees Nuts?
Confict resolution — A communication tool for change
Sidebar — Conflict Resolution Basics
TECHNIQUES FOR EFFECTIVE MEETINGS
Introduction
Building rapport with the "person" in personality
Sidebar — Use Dialogue to Identify Fears that Squelch Strengths
The cost of lazy language
Sidebar — A Sure-Fire Listening Exercise that Keeps Meetings Meaningful
Vapid words undermine effective leadership and communication
Sidebar — Collaborative Support for Performance Goals
BOOK REVIEWS AND EXCERPTS
Love it or lose: passions and the quest for meaning — Book Excerpt and Review: Success Built to Last
The case for positive energy — Book Excerpt and Review: The Energy Bus
Keys to Success and Satisfaction as a Lifestyle Entrepreneur — Book Review: Big Vision, Small Business
Managing energy skillfully on and off the job — Review of The Power of Full Engagement
A new technique for learning leadership — Review of Leadership Presence
Profit from life's losses — Excerpt and Review of The Daily Six: Simple Steps to Porsperity and Purpose
Twenty somethings, make no excuse: success is within reach — Excerpt and Review of My Reality Check Bounced!
TOP OF PAGE
Health: Getting Well and Staying Well
Preventing small discomforts from interferring with your enjoyment of life and from becoming chronic conditions
Introduction
CREATING A SENSE OF WELL-BEING
Introduction
Decreasing energy drainers
Increasing energy boosters
Common sources of vitality
The marvelous gift of resting
A NEW WAY TO WEIGH LESS: THE GETTING LIGHTER PROGRAM
Introduction
The diet I never give anyone
My journey toward getting lighter
The tale of three who got lighter
Count it as a vegetable and move on
LIVING WELL DESPITE ILLNESS
Introduction
The Mind-Body-Spirit and Hope
The nature and complexity of hope
Supporting hope
Evidence of a mind-body connection
Finding Humor in Illness
Humor: a powerful coping aid
I'll never be a Norman Cousins
Does cancer have a sense of humor?
Cancer jokes: Archive One
Cancer jokes: Archive Two
Seeking More Than Survival
The art of getting well
Five factors influence recovery
On illness, loss, and choice
RESEARCHING TREATMENT OPTIONS
Introduction
Health Information on the Internet
Government sponsored health websites
General health information websites
Remember that every website has an agenda
Alternative Medicine
What is meant by complementary and alternative medicine?
Alternative therapy critics and skeptics
When alternative pratitioners promise more than they deliver
PARTICIPATING IN TREATMENT
Introduction
Making Treatment Choices
Who will decide what is best for you?
Personal values, cures, and healing
The body as battlefield
Relieving Aches and Pains
Understanding pain is the first step in controlling it
Holding pain gently in the palm of your hand
Comfort at the bottom of the staircase
Value of Choosing Treatment
Experiencing medical procedures as healing adventures
Rehearsing your healing adventure
What I learned during three weeks in the hospital
Getting through treatment from day to day
SPECIAL INFORMATION
Information
When You're Too Sick to Make Decisions
How can you tell when I want you to pull the plug?
Five wishes for when you're too sick to make decisions: Introduction to Five Wishes advanced care document
Five Wishes, wish one: The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can't
Five Wishes, wish two: The kind of medical treatment I want or don't want
Five Wishes, wishes three, four, & five: My wish for how comfortable I want to be, for how I want people to treat me, and my wish for what I want my loved ones to know
Signing the Five Wishes form
Mouth Problems of Cancer Patients
Preventing and relieving mouth problems
Why you HAVE to go to the dentist BEFORE treatment begins
Mouth care during treatment
Special needs: Chemotherapy and head and neck radiation patients
Dealing with mouth problems
TOP OF PAGE
Spirituality
Simplify your life and embrace beauty, joy, and other qualities of the human spirit in yourself and in the environment
Introduction
SEARCH FOR TRUTH, SPIRIT AND DEEPER FAITH
Introduction
Why people believe what they believe
Metaphors and symbols of religious and spiritual experiences
To what should you surrender?
Does your spiritual compass point in the direction you want to go?
An agnostic's encounter with God
EXPANDING SPIRITUAL AWARENESS
Introduction
Be Here Now — an opening to spiritual awareness
Rumi's poetry can lead to spiritual growth
The ancient tradition of labyrinths touches modern hearts
Busy women can be mindful too —Book Excerpt: The Mindful Woman
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS
Introduction
Five kinds of guilt
Forgiving yourself and others
Also see Learning to Forgive in the Creating Change Section
FAITH AND SPIRIT IN DAILY LIFE
Introduction
The conclusion that actions speak louder than words
Intuition: Whispers from the soul
Awake at Work — Excerpt from Awake at Work: 35 Practical Buddhist Principles for Discovering Clarity and Balance in the Midst of Work's Chaos
Peace Pilgrim: Her life and works in her own words — Excerpt from Peace Pilgrim
Practices to develop spirituality — Review of Essential Spirituality
Women's Voices From Many Faiths, Cultures and Traditions — Review of Women Pray
Meditation — it's not what you think — Excerpt from Coming to Our Senses
A search for the soul of kindness — Excerpt from Field Notes on the Compassionate Life
RELATIONSHIPS AS SACRED JOURNEYS
Introduction
Relationship and the spiritual path
Are you giving the gift you were meant to give?
The heart's wisdom
Relationship is an integral part of spiritual growth
Pray-mates
The difference between self-centeredness and selfishness
The wonder of spirit and love
THINGS FOR WHICH I AM GRATEFUL
Introduction
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
August 2007 to February 2008
SPECIAL FEATURES FOR THE SPIRITUALITY SECTION
Explaining a Spiritual Experience
Text version
Three-minute presentation illustrates the most important thing about a spiritual or peak experience
Why I believe I am connected to God or Spirit
Text version
Self-directed slide show
Questions to Begin or Expand Your Spiritual Journey
Text only
Slide show for slower connections
Slide show for faster connections
The Nature Connection
Article
Self-directed slide show
TOP OF PAGE
Special Features That Are Not Included in Specific Sections
These are not included in the sections above, but are related to the general purpose of Support4Change, which is to promote personal growth throughout life in response to the challenges of daily life
Introduction
THE Q-AND-A CLUB
Introduction
What happens when people don't ask questions?
Expanding Your Horizons
No end to animal facts you can learn
Paying attention to what you see
Finding superlatives
Restrooms around the world
Restaurant names that catch your attention
Bad designs and nice customs
Allowing travel and questions to stretch your mind
Understanding Yourself
True beauty always shines through
The stories we tell
Protecting broken hearts
Secrets that can prevent the love you want
Interview questions worth considering
Strengthing Relationships
Reconciliation close to home
Assumptions are the termites of peace
Being "American" on the Fourth of July
Exploring Social and Political Issues
The nitty-gritty of progress
Relationship between democracy and personal responsibility
Everyone killed is missed by someone
On fashion, fame and fortune
Deepening Faith and Spirituality
Addicted to the adrenaline of doing too much
Examining why you believe what you believe — Part One
Examining why you believe what you believe — Part Two
Some theories of life after death
Tax-and-Spend Game
How Will the Election Change Our Taxes?
Rules of the Tax-and-Spend Game
1. Education
2. National Security
3. Protection Against Crime
4. Protection Against Injury
5. Physical and Mental Health
6. Infrastructure
7. Economic Stability and Job Growth
8. Housing and Community Development
9. Environmental Protection
10. Cultural and Artistic Enrichment
11. Foreign Aid
STEPPING INTO A PICTURE
Introduction and Picture Gallery
VISUAL VIEWPOINTS
Introduction
BOOK EXCERPTS AND REVIEWS NOT INCLUDED IN OTHER SECTIONS
Introduction
Learning to tackle anxiety, fear and shame — Book Review: Fear and Other Uninvited Guests
Common-sense lessons beautifully told — Book Review: Kitchen Table Wisdom
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