Love Enjoys Friendly Competition
BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT
If you want a game that can increase the connection between you and your partner, or even a friend, try this moon game.
For the past forty years my husband and I have played what may be one of the longest-lasting non-argumentative and unique marital competitions on record — "the moon game."
Just what is the moon game, you ask? Well, let me explain the four simple rules as we understand them.
 Whoever sees the moon first and says so, or indicates in some way that he or she has seen it (making a circle with your hands or drawing in the air a crescent shape is an acceptable substitute), gets the moon for that night.
The actual word "moon" must be said before the other person says it. The spouse who takes the time to say "Honey, I was just now out in the backyard and I saw a beautiful, round, delightful moon this evening" would lose if he or she started the sentence a second before the other person said simply "MOON!"
The "victory" is the pleasure of winning. We don't keep score, although over the years we both claim we've seen the moon more than the other one has.
No cheating, but scheming is both allowed and encouraged.
Actually playing the game, therefore, can get quite complicated. For example, if you know the moon is about to rise or is already visible, but you haven't actually seen it yet, you don't want the competition to know you're looking for it. So it's important, as you sneak out to take a look, not to go through the garage door, which makes a noisy grinding sound as it runs along the track, or to slide open the porch door with its metal runners. Instead, you must s-l-o-w-l-y open another door, as quietly as you can, while your spouse is distracted by television or is loading the dishwasher. Then you can step into the yard, scan the sky, find the golden prize, and run in to announce it to your spouse.
If you're walking on your Friday evening date and know the full moon is about to make an appearance, you must try extremely hard not to clue the other into your casual, but determined, effort to locate the celestial orb. That's particularly true if there's a full moon or a new moon. That's because these give you more "points" than plain, ordinary moons visible during the rest of the moon's cycle.
Sometimes the moon just falls into our lap, so to speak. You're not thinking about it at all. Then you turn your head to look out the car window and there, rising about the horizon, this glorious round body offers you the winning ticket of the day. While your spouse's head is turned in a direction that prevents him or her from seeing it, you casually comment, "Oh, by the way, dear, did you notice the moon today?"
Or you'll be reminded of the moon when the television weather forecaster, as part of his report, shows a full moon over the local mountains. When that happens to us, we're likely to both jump off the sofa and dash for the back yard, which faces east, and scan the sky. However, at 6 feet, 4 inches, Bob has a distinct advantage as we stand side by side. For while the moon may be seen as soon as it arises in the flatter parts of the Los Angeles area, here along the San Gabriel mountains the moon has to rise a bit farther up the sky before it's visible. That's why sometimes we'll stand in the yard and watch the darkening sky gradually lighten with a pale circle of light that precedes the actual sighting of the deep golden moon. In those particular backyard contests he's often the winner, although I've grabbed a ladder on a couple occasions just so I could be sure to claim it first.
Bob also has an advantage when he rides his bike home from work. It doesn't make any noise, so he will come into the back yard and look in the window to see if I'm in the kitchen. If I am, he'll knock on the window and point up to the sky. As I said, you don't have to actually "say" you saw the moon, you just need to be clear that you've seen it. And if I'm busily working at my computer, writing for this website, for example, his greeting won't be, "Hello, honey, I'm home. How're you doing?" No, that would give me too much time to shout, "MOON!" — just in case I happened to have gotten away from the computer during the afternoon and taken a look outside. So his usual greeting (on those days the moon is visible) is "MOON!"
As you can see, if one person is home, the other has an advantage. So I have some tricks up my sleeve to tip the scales in my favor. For example, I've been known to turn off the car lights as I slowly drive up our street so he won't see the headlights driving in the driveway (and before you panic, I will tell you that it's a one-block-long street that has almost no traffic and I wouldn't do this if a car was moving anywhere in sight). Then I'll q-u-i-e-t-l-y get out of the car and walk q-u-i-e-t-l-y up to the front door, put the key q-u-i-e-t-l-y in the lock and, as I push open the door, yell "MOON!"
Part of the fun is that we both engage in all kinds of silly strategies, as when I claim I really don't care if he got the moon or not, declaring, "I only play because you seem to think it's important." He doesn't believe me. Maybe that's because I point out, with not a small amount of pleasure, that I "got" the first full moon of the new century and the last blue moon (when two full moons occur in the same month) of the last century.
How did all of this get started so many years ago" Neither of us can remember. But competing to see who gets the moon first is a contest that has remained a cornerstone of our relationship, sometimes bringing a welcome bit of levity when we were upset with one another.
All I know is that Bob will have to outlive me, because if he doesn't, every time I see the moon I will remember him and it will only remind me know how much I miss the loving competition.
And if you choose to adopt this game for yourself, I would enjoy hearing from you.
© Copyright 2002, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT |
