LETTING GO OF OUR ADULT CHILDREN

Epilogue Two

Page 31

BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT

Note: This online edition is reprinted with permission. A paperback version is available for purchase from Learning Place Online.

In the first epilogue, I wrote, "Dave and Cat met when she was more or less living on the street with her two sons, Ian and Eli, now three and eight." I have since learned that statement is incorrect. She never lived on the streets, although she was friends with many who did. Rather, she lived in a house trailer. I believe it was the same trailer she and Dave lived in when they were first married.

This second epilogue is written to correct the record. I did not in any way want to imply that she was an unfit mother because she lived on the streets with two young children. She has always been conscientious in struggling to be a good parent. I hope this clears up any misconceptions I might have inadvertently given.

Incidentally, since the book was published, we've gradually developed a better relationship with Dave and his family. I believe this progress was possible in large part because I've continued to focus on my own personal development, rather than on whether Dave was moving toward a lifestyle I thought would be better for him.

However, everything has not been smooth sailing and there are still topics that are uncomfortable, or even impossible, to discuss. So if all your problems aren't automatically resolved simply by reading this book, don't be too harsh on yourself.

But if what I've written gives you some peace of mind and relieves some of your guilt, you just may then be on your way to dealing with what I consider the two most important questions we can ask. One is, "How am I allowing my ego to stand in the way of loving relationships?" The other is, "What is my purpose in life and am I working toward that goal?"

My best wishes to you in finding the answers.

Appendix

© Copyright 1994, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT, Reprinted with permission

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