The Magic of Appreciation

BY JOYCE AND BARRY VISSELL

Reprinted with permission.

Pointing out beauty and strength in someone you love adds depth to relationships, heals wounded relationships and renews tired relationships.

Appreciation is one of the cornerstones of a fulfilling relationship with a lover, parent, child or friend. You already know this, but it is our job to keep reminding you about the power of verbally pointing out beauty and strength in someone you love. It is a way to bring more depth to a solid relationship, healing to a wounded relationship, or renewal to a tired or stifled relationship.

Here are appreciation practices for both individuals and couples. Joyce and I believe these practices have benefited all our relationships, especially our own partnership.

For Individuals

Close your eyes. Breathe deeply to relax your body. Breathe into and out of every part of your body — not just your lungs.

When you feel settled down, bring in front of you a relationship you wish to heal or enhance. Visualize this person sitting before you. Remember a special time of closeness with him or her, an experience you shared that allowed you to see this person's soul more clearly. Perhaps it was in the beginning of your relationship; perhaps later on. Try to especially remember the feelings of closeness you shared. What qualities about him or her endeared you to them the most. What was it about this person that attracted you to them. Take enough time to feel these things.

Now, realize these same qualities are present just as strongly as ever. It's just that you have let them drift from your view. Look more deeply at this person's image in front of you. Notice these beautiful qualities coming to the surface once again, almost as if the image was previously out of focus, and now you can see more clearly. This is a remarkable being in front of you, filled with power, beauty and love. See and feel this for as long as you can.

As you can see this in your visualization and feel this in your feelings, you will more easily see and feel the same beauty with your outer eyes and senses. Let this inner practice give you the courage to now give one of the highest gifts we ever give in our relationships. Find a time to share your appreciation with words. Create a receptive atmosphere for your partner or with whomever you focused on in the practice, and let them know what you most appreciate about them. Give this as a gift to them, to you, and to the relationship.

For Couples

Sit facing one another with your eyes closed. As with the first practice, quiet your mind through breathing deeply or through any other method you prefer.

When you are ready, open your eyes and look silently into your partner's eyes. Look past your partner's face and personality, through their eyes — the windows of the soul. What is it about this being in front of you that touches your heart most? What qualities attracted you to this person in the first place, and allowed you to rise in love? What gifts are you receiving from this friend? How is your life being blessed by this relationship? Let these questions get you in touch with your deepest feelings of love and appreciation.

Whichever one of you is ready to begin can now put these thoughts and feelings into words. Let the words flow from you unrehearsed and spontaneous. Be courageous in your vulnerability. Let your "inner poet" speak without inhibition. Practice expressing thoughts and feelings about your partner that you have never expressed before. Take turns speaking and watch the doors of your heart fling open.

Practice both the inner and the outer exercises as often as possible. Together, in a balanced way, they will bless and enrich your relationships.

© Copyright The Shared Heart Foundation, Reprinted with permission

A SEASON FOR GRATITUDE

The following was written in November 2000 by Joyce and Barry Vissell

With the approaching holidays let's turn our thoughts to gratitude. Focusing on gratitude can bring magic and blessings into our lives.

We'd like to share a little story with you.

Seventeen years ago our first book, The Shared Heart: Relationship Initiations and Celebrations , was printed and ready for distribution. Because we were unable to find a publisher, we had the book published ourselves. Now before us lay the monumental task of trying to distribute the copies.

Our friend and mentor, Ram Dass, had edited the book for us and had written a forward. He also gave us his mailing list of 6,000 people to get started. We designed our first flyer to send to the list and felt proud of it. The day before Thanksgiving, 1983, we spent the last of our savings at the post office as 6,000 of these flyers went out across the United States.

That evening, we had a group of friends come to our home for a Thanksgiving service, where we focused on our gratitude for those things that were hardest in our lives. It was a beautiful evening. Before we closed the service we brought out copies of the flyer for people to bless. Each person held a copy and said a prayer for the book. Our friend Nancy spoke up hesitantly after studying the flyer, "There is no price anywhere on this flyer." Sure enough we had neglected to put on the price. Our hearts sank! ! ! How could people buy the book without knowing the price? They would probably think we were very spacey and just throw the flyer in the garbage. We felt our one chance for distribution was gone. Our friends lovingly gathered around us and reminded us of the importance of gratitude in difficult times. We stayed up late that night trying to be grateful, rather than freaking out about our mistake. By morning we were thankful that some good would come of the situation.

Though we'd never borrowed money from our parents before, we humbled ourselves and borrowed enough to print a postcard and mail it out. In this mailing we told the story of our mistake, that we were so excited about our book we had neglected to give the price. We shared the price of the book along with our efforts to be grateful and move on.

Well, the magic happened! People were so touched by our story in the second flyer that orders came pouring in. Many people shared that the first flyer looked like so many others, and they threw it out immediately. It was the second one in which they saw our hearts and our intention. Within a matter of weeks the first printing of 5,000 was sold and The Shared Heart went on to be a bestseller for several years in a row. To this day we believe that it was our gratitude in a painful situation that allowed this book to be launched so successfully.

It is easy to be grateful for all the good things and wonderful people in you life. The power comes from being grateful for the hardships, mistakes and heartaches knowing that in time our souls will learn valuable lessons from these experiences. Years ago when I got the news that our baby had died inside of me, I could not feel grateful. In time I began to feel thankful that one day I would understand and be able to feel truly grateful for the experience. It was my thankfulness in hope that brought me through that experience and allowed me to receive the gift the pain was bringing into my life.

And so we leave you with the challenge of gratitude and the possibility of miracles and magic happening in your lives.

© Copyright, November 2000, The Shared Heart Foundation, Reprinted with permission