Introduction to Perfectionism

BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT

I invite you to join me in becoming a recovering perfectionst

As I wondered what I could use for an introduction to this index page on perfectionism, a topic with which I am very familiar, I looked for a quote that might work. I found the following:

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack in everything,

That's how the light gets in.

—Leonard Cohen

This reminded me of a story told by Rachel Naomi Remen, a doctor who was one of the earliest pioneers in the mind/body holistic health movement and the first to recognize the role of the spirit in health and the recovery from illness.

I especially like a story she told about a young man who lost his leg in a motorcycle accident and was referred to her to deal with his anger, for he had been a promising gymnast. When she asked him to draw a picture that expressed his feelings, he drew a picture of a beautiful vase and then took a black pen and made a jagged slash through it.

Soon she encouraged him to work in a hospital with other young people who had lost their limbs to disease or accident.

One day he went into a room where a young woman was despondent over the loss of her leg to cancer. She had her back to the door and wouldn’t turn over to even look at him.

He just turned on the radio to a music station and invited her to dance with him. “I can’t,” she said bitterly. “Can’t you see I only have one leg?”

He replied, “So do I,” and unstrapped his artificial leg, dropped it to the floor and started dancing. When she turned over to watch, she was captivated by him. And, of course, the story ends with them getting married.

Well, one day a few years later, the man came to see Rachel Naomi Remen and asked to see the picture he had drawn. Then he asked for a yellow pen and drew light streaming out of the crack. He said that the crack allowed light to come out.

In Leonard Cohen’s lyrics, the crack allows light to get in. However, whether coming in or going out through our imperfections, we are lighter and softer than when we insist on perfection.

All of the pages in this section, accessed from the navigation bar on the left, will give you a better understanding of how perfectionism impacts your life.

© Copyright 2012, Arlene F Harder, MA, MFT