Change your life and transform your life
If you are like most people, you ask yourself questions that are often said with insecurity, anger, contempt or deep regret, such as:

  • Why did I have to go and do that?
  • Why didn't I do that?
  • What was I thinking?
  • How could I have been so stupid?
  • Why am I so lazy, stupid, weak?
  • Why can't I be successful like my friends?
Those kinds of questions can stop you from going forward with confidence or from looking backward with compassion so that you can learn from past choices.
Wouldn't it be much better if the questions you ask yourself could promote encouragement and self-understanding? Wouldn't it be better for your questions to provide fuel for positive action in the future?
Fortunately, Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life gives you questions that can lead to forward movement, even when looking at the past. It gives you questions that reveal buried dreams and then helps you uncover tools to make your dreams come true.
Some of these questions will engage your intellect, some your heart and soul. When a question hits an emotional nerve, you know there is work to do and this book helps you unravel obstacles rooted in the past.
It is almost impossible to stay passive when experiencing a penetrating questioning process.

Woman reading

Read an excerpt of Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life, to see whether it might be right for you.

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What Do Others Say About Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life?
BelleruthNaparstek
“Arlene Harder offers a method for engaging the reader that is missing in so many personal-growth books. The simple, but not simplistic, questions she poses encourage an interaction between the thoughts of the reader and the information presented. Thus readers become active, rather than passive, participants in developing the self-understanding that is essential to change.”
Ivajoy Draper, PhD, MFT, Hypnotherapist
Patricia Kelly"There have often been times, earlier in my life, when I could have used the blueprint to change that is described in this book, but nothing like this was available. Fortunately, my latest and best decisions have been determined through the careful step-by-step analysis of obstacles and choices I was able to make by asking myself the questions in this very powerful book. Thank you for writing it."
Patricia Kelly, Radiological Technologist.
cheering crowdThere are many more testimonials than can fit on this page, so click below to read more.

The Table of Contents gives you an idea of what you will find inside this thoughtful, encouraging book.

Chapter One: What Do I Know About the Process of Change?
No matter who you are, at some time you will be pulled, pushed, or prodded by pain to leave your comfort zone and move along a path from the "Land of Wish-and-Want," through a gate that leads to the "Land of Will-Do." Learn how to discard beliefs that hold you captive to the past and allow your true self to guide you along the way.
Chapter Two: Who Am I Today?
Whether or not you like who you are today, that's where you have to start. So it's important to be totally honest with yourself, explore the stories you tell about your life, discover all the good things about you, and be clear that you are following your dreams and not someone else's.
Chapter Three: How Has My Past Influenced My Life Today?
Use the best from your past and discover how your family, experiences, choices, values, and emotigoals strengths can help you choose and reach your goals today.
Chapter Four: How Do I Want My Life to be Different?
Explore your call to action, the goal that can help you get to where you want to go, the advantages and disadvantages of reaching your goal, the motivation for changing your life, and imagine what your life will look like when you reach your goal.
Chapter Five: What Beliefs Might Sabotage My Goals?
We all have hidden resistance and unexamined beliefs about such issues as success and failure, winning and losing, money and time, energy and emotional resiliency.
Chapter Six: How Committed Am I to Changing My Life?
There is a gate to change that stands between your wanting to achieve success (in the “Land of Wish-and-Want”) and your willingness to do whatever you need to do to reach that goal (in the “Land of Will-Do”).
Chapter Seven: What Can Support My Efforts to Achieve My Goal?
The path to success requires small incremental steps, support from family and professionals, expression of the highest qualities of the human spirit, images, symbols, affirmations and incentives to remind you of your goal and give you encouragement. .
Chapter Eight: What Can I Do When I Get Stuck?

The path to success on the other side of the gate to change is never straight, but has bends and curves that can catch the unwary and require a re-evaluation of your goal.

Chapter Nine: How Can I Share What I Have Learned?
The journey to change brings you almost to the place you started, but with an enriched life and knowledge you can use to help others in the world.
Guarantee
Because I am so sure that you will find the questions in this book can help transform your life and help you set and reach goals with much greater confidence, I will refund your money if you are not completely satisfied.
Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life

BOOK - Print or Digital [PDF]

Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life: Stop Wishing Your Life Would Change and Make it Happen



VALUE
$14.95

MP3 - Listen on your computer or portable player

Remove the Mask That Hides Your True Self

This guided imagery exercise helps you appreciate who you are at your core, and to accept yourself just as you are, so that you can appreciate others for who they are.



BONUS

MP3 - Listen on your computer or portable player

Meeting Your Friendly Inner Advisor

This guided imagery exercise leads you to a source of inner wisdom you may not have know you have; and it gives you a way to explore the path you want to take, rather than the path someone else thinks is good for you.



BONUS

TOTAL COST FOR E-BOOK [PDF]
only $14.95

TOTAL COST FOR PRINT BOOK
only $14.95
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NOTE: If you wish to purchase the book elsewhere, it is also available in print or electronic edition at your local independent bookshop, Barnes and Noble, Indie Bound, iTunes, Kobo, and Amazon.

For international purchasers: Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life is also available from The Book Depository in both digital and print format, and shipping is free.

BelleruthNaparstek

"A thoughtful, complex, layered look at how we change and what we need to do to create change in our lives. Arlene Harder gently, wisely and sensitively takes the reader along every step of the way, providing just the right questions, tools and approaches to make the journey fulfilling and satisfying.”

Belleruth Naparstek, MA, MFT, author of Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal and creator of the Health Journeys audio series


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“Arlene Harder has written a wonderful, insightful book on how to move from the ‘Land of Wish-and-Want’ to the ‘Land of Will-Do.’ Filled with fascinating stories and helpful exercises, her advice is intelligent, clear, and easily followed—for those who ‘will do’ it.”

Chellie Campbell, author of The Wealthy Spirit: Daily Affirmations for Financial Stress Reduction and Zero to Zillionaire


❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖
chellie-campbell
pat-williams

“Arlene has expressed the art of purposeful living with the clear message that it is indeed the questions we ask that guide our life…after all, the future is but a plan and change is guaranteed. Powerful questions combined with magical metaphors and stories will guide the reader to transformational change in living life on purpose and not settling for problems. Questions lead us into being comfortable with ‘not knowing’ and realizing that when you may feel lost….you are really just exploring.”

Patrick Williams, Ph.D., Master Certified Coach, Founder of the Institute for Life Coach Training and author of Becoming a Professional Life Coach and Total Life Coaching


❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖

“Arlene Harder offers a method for engaging the reader that is missing in so many personal-growth books. The simple, but not simplistic, questions she poses encourage an interaction between the thoughts of the reader and the information presented. Thus readers become active, rather than passive, participants in developing the self-understanding that is essential to change.”

Ivajoy Draper, PhD, MFT, Hypnotherapist


❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖
Ivajoy Draper
Patricia

“There have often been times, earlier in my life, when I could have used the blueprint to change that is described in this book, but nothing like this was available. Fortunately, my latest and best decisions have been determined through the careful step-by-step analysis of obstacles and choices I was able to make by asking myself the questions in this very powerful book. Thank you for writing it.”

Patricia Kelly, Radiological Technologist


❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖

“Every once-in-awhile a personal-growth book provides a refreshingly new approach to transformation. Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life is just such a book. Reading it is like having a gentle guide encouraging you to be the kind of person you want to be, and showing you how to draw upon the strength you already have within you.”

Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D., authors of The New Intimacy - Discovering the Magic at the Heart of Your Differences


❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖
Juidth_Sherven
johnfavian

“In attempting to make a personal change, many people thrash about willy-nilly, stumbling along a poorly marked path. They could use a strong dose of Arlene Harder’s remarkable book which helps a ‘change-seeker’ move from haphazard to clearer directions for bringing about a desired change. People can find doorways to inner wisdom and learn to sharpen personal questions that point the way. Harder shows that making changes doesn’t require magic, just clarity, courage, perspective.”

John Fabian, Ph.D, author of Creative Thinking and Problem Solving


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Excerpt from Healing Relationships is an Inside Job:

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The Chemistry of Change

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All change takes place in the brain, a soft four-pound organ that is the control center for how you live. It is the most complex machine in the universe with an incredibly linked network of 20 billion neurons connected to an average of 10,000 other neurons. If you could take it apart, you’d see an amazingly intricate network of trillions of synapses, or neuronal connections, that looks not unlike some vast multi-level spider web. It is estimated that the possible number of on/off firing patterns, as chemicals are passed through synapses between one neuron and another, is ten times ten one million times, or ten to the millionth power!

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We only use a small fraction of those potential connections, of course. In fact, we tend to use the same groups of neurons over and over, routing old thoughts, behaviors, attitudes, emotional reactions, and beliefs back and forth within the same pathways.

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This coordinated pattern allows us to make sense of the thousands of experiences we’ve had over the years. If every single thing that happened, every word we heard, every picture we saw, every body sensation had to be analyzed and processed from scratch in order to understand it, that would take a very long time, even given the speed with which neurons fire. It’s much more efficient for the brain to assign meaning to an experience and create a belief or filter through which the next experience can be accepted or rejected as true and valid.

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Soon our beliefs (the thoughts we experience when certain neurons are “turned on”) cause us to act (the body’s response in word and behavior caused by the firing of other neurons connected to our “belief neurons”) in ways that give us consequences we have come to expect (and which we then interpret in ways that reinforce our beliefs!).

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However, what happens if the “consequences” resulting from our actions are not consistent with our beliefs? Unfortunately, most of us, in order to maintain our internal status quo, tend to interpret what we experience in ways that correspond most closely to our beliefs. Since we all wear colored glasses (some darker than others), it is not surprising that the world appears tinged with the same hue.

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Unfortunately, the cyclical reasoning of “belief-actions-consequences-belief” leaves little room for maneuvering or being open to new beliefs, which results in the creation of a “comfort zone” in which we operate on autopilot. This allows the brain to do what it’s always done, sending the same, or similar, thoughts down the same pathways. True, the cycle keeps us on a merry-go-round, but it’s the merry-go-round with which we are most familiar. As long as things are sailing along smoothly, we don’t see reason to get off.

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However, when we’re in pain, or when we’ve been pushed or pulled in such a way that we feel we must change our lives, the brain will need to switch off some of the connections it’s been using to keep old pathways functioning and build new ones. When we can turn off enough of the old connections tied to old beliefs, we allow new neurons to fire, which allows the brain to switch on its “genetic machinery” (the ability of the body to create proteins for building new neurons), which causes the brain to change internal connections. Through this turn-off-old and build-new process, our brain’s biochemical environment builds new interconnected pathways.

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The willingness to see things in a different way (to try on a new, clearer set of glasses, if you will) “turns-on” neurons that can allow us to interpret our experiences in new ways (i.e., create a new belief about life), which then allows us to act in a way in which we expect to get different results and, not surprisingly, discover they are different. Over time, we change our lives by changing the chemical functioning in our brains.

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Fortunately, one way you can influence the formation of new pathways is to ask yourself questions. As I noted in the introduction, questions require you to shift from a passive mode to an active mode of thinking. If your brain needs to answer a question that lies outside its normal reasoning path, it can’t continue using synaptic connections along the old paths, as it does when we operate on autopilot and the road to new ideas is blocked. By asking yourself the questions in this book, you are giving your brain new experiences. True, the questions themselves may not be earth-shattering, but in attempting to answer them, you are giving your brain permission to switch off autopilot thinking and lay down new neuronal connections that will, step-by-step, lead to the change you want in your life.

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This gradual building of new pathways, leading to new beliefs, leading to new behavior, leading to new results is the consequence of what some people call “Kaizen” steps. Kaizen is a Japanese word that comes from two ideographs, the first of which represents change and the second goodness or virtue. The word is based on the observation that, with few exceptions, great inventions and great change don’t arise suddenly out of thin air. Rather, they are the consequence of many quite minor steps that, added together, achieve an impressive goal. You can think of these Kaizen steps as small “first-order changes” that incrementally move you toward a significant goal.

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