Decreasing Energy Drainers
A GUIDED IMAGERY EXERCISE BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT
This guided imagery exercise teaches you how to take minor aggravations in stride so they do not sap the energy needed for more important things.
If the relative seriousness of unexpected problems were the soul measure of how badly they can drain our energy and incapacitate us, then everyone would be overwhelmed when tragedy strikes. On the other hand, when we broke a favorite dish, we'd take it in stride. Unfortunately, this is not the case. We can feel unreasonably defeated by relatively minor aggravations. We spill coffee on the new rug. The dog chews a shoe. Someone scrapes the side of our car in a parking lot. We misplace an important document.
These very ordinary kinds of problems happen to all of us. How we deal with them determines whether or not they drain our energy. To learn how to decrease energy drainers, you may want to use an imagery script I created more than ten years ago and has been of value to many people.
Since it is an imagery script you can use it in several different ways. First, simply read it as you would read any article, with the purpose of learning something and exploring how that might apply to you. On the other hand, you may want to get into the piece more deeply by reading it several times to yourself, pausing when you come to breaks identified by three periods (. . .) in order to have time to experience that section in whatever way feels comfortable to you.
Or, you can try to experience it as a regular imagery exercise is usually done, that is, first read it into a tape player (or have a friend or family member read it for you) and then, as you listen to it, close your eyes and follow along in whatever way feels right to you. To learn more about the technique of imagery, I suggest you first read Opening Up the Right Side of Your Brain and learn how to reduce the energy drainers we all have in our lives.
To begin decreasing energy drainers, first become as comfortable as possible. . . . And as you allow your body to feel fully supported, gently close your eyes. . . . And now take a few special, very deep breaths, filling your lungs as fully as you can, and then blowing your breath out through your mouth slowly, as though you are blowing on a candle. . . . Later in the exercise you will learn how this kind of breath can reduce stress but for now return to your normal breathing, easily and comfortably. . . . With each breath feel more and more peaceful. . . more and more relaxed. . . . Soon you find yourself in a state of pleasant, relaxed consciousness. . . .
And now recall a recent problem of yours that used up a lot of emotional energy. It may have been particularly difficult to solve. Perhaps you worried you didn't handle it as well as you might have. Just take a moment to re-experience this energy depleting situation. . . .
If the problem you had to deal with was caused by someone else, when you first became aware of it, what did you say to yourself? Was it something like, "This is terrible. How dare this person cause me trouble and disrupt my plans!" Or, if you were responsible, did you say something like, "I'm so stupid and careless. How could I have done such a thing?" Attitudes like these drain our energy even before we have a chance to consider how we will deal with the problem. They also give more weight to the situation than it really deserves. Of course, no one is thrilled when life throws then a curve or they make a mistake, but when your best-laid plans for the day are interrupted, you do have a few choices. You can solve the problem yourself immediately or later. You can get someone else to solve it. Or you can decide it can't be corrected and let it go.
So the most energy-efficient statement you could make would be something like this: "I wish that hadn't happened, or I wish I hadn't done that. Oh well, now I have to deal with it. But I won't spend any more energy on it than absolutely necessary."
After giving yourself those words of encouragement, the next step is to take a very deep breath as you did a moment ago. As you breathe in, imagine you fill yourself with an awareness that you can resolve the problem. Then use the long breath out as a reminder that you are competent and able to respond to this challenge that life has presented you. With really difficult problems you may want to use more than one breath, each time allowing yourself to feel more able to resolve the matter—and to do it with minimum energy.
Now one of the reasons we become so upset about minor intrusions, let alone major interruptions, is that our busy schedule doesn't take into account the reality that such things are going to happen. One day we'll likely slip and twist an ankle when there are a lot of errands to run. Another day the car will break down on the way to pick up a friend at the airport. A very important letter will not arrive when we need it. As someone said, "Life is what happens while we're making other plans."
The best way to counter the disruption we feel when such things occur is to have cushions of space in our lives. In other words, we need to schedule our lives so that when the unexpected happens we are not thrown totally off balance. While we obviously can't have the foresight to leave an opening on Tuesday afternoon at exactly 2:15 for an accident that will happen at that time, if there were empty spaces on the calendar, when an accident occurred, we could more easily shift our schedule around in order to deal with the disruption.
And so, imagine that you have your calendar in front of you. Taking a pen, in a color that represents peace of mind, mark spaces in the calendar for stress prevention. These times could be as little as five minutes every hour or as much as half a day or more. Take a moment now and as you imagine doing this, feel how wonderful it would be if you planned your life in such a way that you would not be overly stressed when the unexpected happened. . . .
And now turn your attention to the way in which problems deplete energy when we continue to fuss and talk about them after we've done all we can. Especially for perfectionists, it's hard to let go of something without reviewing why it happened, what could have been done to prevent it, how others will judge us and a multitude of other concerns. We exhaust ourselves when we continue to expand energy on something that is finished. Think of it this way. If you were using some rocks to add variety and beauty to a garden, after you carried one to the place where you wanted it be, you wouldn't continue to hold onto it. You'd drop it.
A very useful technique for letting go begins when you are aware there is nothing more than can be done. To acknowledge that, you take one of your very special deep breaths. This time you use the breath as a signal that you are letting go of the intrusion in your life. As you exhale, say to yourself something like, "I am finished with everything I can do about this situation. I will not hang on to it any longer."
Now turn your attention to those emotional pressures that drain our energy without producing any results. We worry about what might happen but never does. We continue to feel guilty over mistakes that we made long, long ago. We spend hours planning and hoping for an unrealistic goal that will never be accomplished. These are the internal "rocks" we carry that weigh us down and sap our energy.
The problem with such thoughts is that sometimes we need to be concerned about what might happen, so that we can take proper precautions. By evaluating our mistakes we can avoid them in the future. And having goals gives us something to strive for. But to prevent our thoughts from leading us into an unnecessary energy taxing direction, we need some way to evaluate whether they are molehills out which we are making mountains or whether we need to give them serious consideration.
To get the perspective you need, think about a current worry or pressure you have. Take just a moment and become aware of something that is bothering you. . . . And now, imagine that you are sitting in your living room reflecting on this problem, feeling tense because this thought has caught you in its grip. . . . For this part of the exercise pretend you can separate yourself into two parts. One is the part of you that is very attached to your concern or worry. The other part is not attached to such internal pressures and, in fact, can be very objective about your thoughts and emotions. It does this because, with the help of your imagination, this objective self is not affected by gravity.
And so, imagine now that this part of you moves out of the living room and goes above the house to look down upon the worried part of you that is attached to your concern. And then it moves up so that you look down on the street where you live and, continuing to go higher, you look down upon the city, the state, the country. As you rise higher and higher, you get a sense of how every day the billions of people on the earth must deal with many problems great and small. You hear the laughter that flows from their love and see the tears that are shed because of cruelty and hatred. You're aware of poverty, floods, fires and wars that disrupt the lives of millions. Below you are beautiful continents and deep blue oceans that make this a most special and wonderful planet.
Going higher and higher above the earth, the objective you moves further and further away from the worried person sitting far below. You marvel at the blackness of space, the other planets of the solar system, the brilliance of the sun, the milky way and the galaxies far beyond. Here in the infinite vastness of space, you once again notice that person who sits far below in a living room and worries. Is that concern important enough to expend time and energy on it or would it be best for you to let it go and use your energy for more essential things? Take a moment now and get a feeling for how you would evaluate your concern from this perspective in space. . . .
Sensing what is best for you to do, return once more to earth. And now create an image you can use to get a broader perspective on all your problems. An example of this might be a picture of earth taken from a satellite, a telescope or something else that represents your ability to detach yourself from your thoughts so you can separate the important from the trivial. Experience your image as completely as you can. . . .
Now let that image fade and follow in your imagination an example of how you can use what you've learned in this exercise to create a less stressful life.
Imagine that you have two errands to run before going to a party for your aunt and uncle who are celebrating a special anniversary. First you are supposed to pick up some family photos you are having developed so that you can share them at the party. After that, you need to take some important papers to the bank. Although the store promised the pictures would be ready on time, when you arrive you learn that the delivery truck has broken down and it will be an hour before it gets here. You certainly hadn't expected this, but you say to yourself, "I sure wish the pictures were ready as promised. Oh well, now I have to deal with this. But I won't allow it to use any more of my energy than is absolutely necessary." Then you take a deep breath, bringing in wisdom and lessening your tension.
You can either wait for the pictures or go to the bank. There isn't time for both. But because your relatives have come from all over the country and this would be the only time they could enjoy seeing the pictures together, you decide to wait. Fortunately, you have created a stress prevention space of one hour in your calendar for tomorrow. Realizing you can go to the bank then, you take another special deep breath. As you exhale, you say to yourself, "I've done everything I can. I will not hang on to this problem any longer."
As you wait in your car, you turn on the radio and hear the announcer report a major traffic accident has blocked the road you are sure the delivery truck will take. Now you have something new to worry about. Will the driver be smart enough to take a different route? What if the truck was in the accident? Before you know it, you've let yourself get so worried you won't get the pictures today that you realize you need some perspective. So you recall the image you created for just this kind of situation. Holding that image in your mind, you soon realize that even if you don't have the pictures, you, and everyone else at the party, will have a wonderful time. It will not be the end of the earth if others can't see your pictures.
Using these simple techniques can go a long way to keep yourself from wasting energy on problems that intrude into your day and worries that are not all that important.
Before we end this exercise, take just a moment to review again the image you created for getting perspective on your concerns so you can evaluate their importance. . . .
And now turn your attention to the room you are in, bringing with you something that is important for you to remember about this exercise. . . . And then take a deep energizing breath, . . . stretch your arms and legs, . . . gently open your eyes and look forward to using your energy wisely.
© Copyright 1994, Revised 2002, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT |
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