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The Support4Change Newsletter |
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August 25 , 2007 |
Arlene Harder, Editor |
Volume 1, Number 5 |
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 An Experiment in Dialogue
When I first began my blog, I subtitled it "An Experiment in Dialogue" and had the illusion that people would be anxious to give their opinions on all the things about which I wanted to write. It hasn't worked out that way. But since I don't respond to blogs and articles, whether I like them or not, I don't know why I thought others would be interested.
Nevertheless, I suspect some people might like to respond to the Q-and-A Club questions if they are presented in a different format. Certainly there are many topics that should be of interest to a wide variety of people — expanding your horizons, understanding yourself, strengthening friendships and relationships, exploring social and political issues, and deepening faith and spirituality.
Therefore, since many people seem to enjoy Yahoo! forums, some of them may want to participate in online discussions of Q-and-A Club topics. So I am starting a Q-and-A Club Yahoo! forum. I am hoping that when the introduction to questions is presented in the form of a forum "message," answers to the questions can be a jumping-off point for those who like to get involved in Internet discussions. Also, people will be able to send in photos to expand the discussions.
At the moment we're having some small, soon to be resolved, problems with formatting. But as soon as everything is up and running, I will send a brief e-mail message in case you would be interested in participating in the "dialogue experiment." And even if you don't want to add your two-cents worth, you can go to the forum to see what others are saying.
To give you an idea for how I would like the discussion to be conducted, please read both The Core of Dialogue and Welcome.
Now (soon) you can send a personal comment on this newsletter, the blog, or website articles by using the Contact Us form. If you want to get involved in a discussion of Q-and-A Club topics, (or simply see what others are writing), you will have a special forum.
Arlene Harder, Founder and Editor of Support4Change |
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FEATURES
 Visual Viewpoints: Tourist attractions
Q-and-A Club: Restrooms and restaurants
Today's Gratitude: The quiet bubbling of a fountain and pictures of a grandchild
Ideas Worth Considering: Real marriage is for real people
Books for Children and Grandchildren: The Phantom Tollbooth
Comments from the Blog: Questions I wish I'd included in July entry
Getting a Different Perspective: Solving problems in a palace
Five Articles You May Have Missed: From early perfectionism to enjoying the empty nest
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Visual Viewpoints
Tourist Attractions
One of the great pleasures of travel is stumbling onto treasures you didn't know existed. For example, we knew Queenstown, New Zealand, was famous for their outdoor activities and planned to stay there four days this past January. But we were delighted that, while driving through spectacular countryside to the resort, we discovered Stuart Landsborough’s Puzzling World, which claims to be "possibly the most photographed attraction in New Zealand."
In addition to a marvelous Kaleidoscopic ceiling in the refreshment and puzzle room (which will highlight a group of "reflection" photos for my "Visual Viewpoint" in the next issue of the newsletter), there was this two-level labyrinth. Designed to be "the first of the world's modern-style mazes," it had 1.5 km of passages and took, on average, from 30 minutes to one hour to finish. We never made it.
In Visual Viewpoints you can see three other tourist attractions that caught my fancy. They are in the first set of four such pictures, with other sets to follow in the future.
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 Q-and-A Club Questions:
To learn more about the Q-and-A Club read Community of the Curious and Courageous.
NOTE: See the introduction for each week's questions for comments and additional questions if there are more than listed here. |
Category: Expanding Your Horizons, #4 |
Restrooms Around the World
See introduction for more. |
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 What is the most unusual restroom feature you've seen in your travels?
What is the most beautiful and inviting restroom you've ever used?
What is the most unusual description used to designate male and female rooms?
What was your most embarrassing experience of going into the wrong room because you misinterpreted a sign?
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Category: Expanding Your Horizons, #5 |
Restaurant Names That Attract Attention
See introduction for more. |
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 What restaurant, bar or pub name would you rank the best for getting a customer's attention? [If you send a non-English name, please include a translation.]
If you were to name a restaurant, what would you call it?
Assuming you could use any of the symbols on the keyboard, which ones would you incorporate into the name?
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Today's Gratitude
The Quiet Bubbling of a Fountain and a New Grandchild
Last November I created an entry in my blog called Gratitude in the Morning in which I shared thanks for specific things that enrich both my life and the lives of others. That has morphed into Things for Which I Am Grateful, grouped by month and added to as often as I can, usually for specific days. Since I've had a busy summer, I only have time to make a very partial list of the many things for which I am grateful. Hope as you look over your summer that you will find a great deal for which you can give thanks.
This is what I give thanks for today, August 25, 2007:
I give thanks for life.
I give thanks for the sound of water bubbling in the small fountain of half an old wine casket on my deck.
I give thanks to my daughter-in-law for sending pictures of a grandchild I haven't met.
. . . and much more.
If you wish, you can use the contact us page to share your thanks with me. Be sure to let me know if I can share your gratitude with others.
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Ideas Worth Considering
Real Marriage is for Real People
  In his book, All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage,
John Jacobs, MD, notes that most people don't acknowledge the problems in their marriages until it's too late. Instead, we tend to believe in many powerful lies about marriage — misunderstandings, myths, and fairy tales — that have become so deeply entrenched in our minds that we rarely approach marriage with reasonable expectations.
When we accept the powerful myths about marriage, we may forget to engage in the constant hard work required to keep our marriages alive. Being aware of the following "lies and truths" may save your marriage:
1. Lie: All you need is love
Truth: Marital love is conditional — love is not enough for successful marriage
2. Lie: I talk all the time; my spouse just doesn't listen
Truth: Good communication is much more than honest speech
3. Lie: People don't really change
Truth: Change is always possible, and little changes produce big results
4. Lie: When you marry, you create your own family legacy
Truth: You bring your family into your marriage no matter how hard you fight to keep it out
5. Lie: Egalitarian marriage is easier than traditional marriage
Truth: Egalitarian marriage allows you to negotiate differences more fairly, but often with great difficulty
6. Lie: Children solidify a marriage
Truth: Your children are a serious threat to your marriage
7. Lie: The sexual revolution has made great sex easier than ever
Truth: A media circus is in bed with you, and it's sabotaging your marriage
 This list of lies and truth is a nice complement to Wake Up or Break Up: 8 Crucial Steps to Strengthening Your Relationship by Leonard Felder, Ph.D., which was reviewed in the March newsletter, and an excerpt of which is found in The Loving Gift of Being Fully Present.
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Books for Children and Grandchildren
The Phantom Tollbooth
BY NORTON JUSTER
If you've never read this book, you've missed one of the great books of all time. The Phantom Tollbooth is witty, original, and informative without being preachy. In this children's classic (delightfully illustrated by Jules Feiffer) Milo, the protagonist, is extremely bored until he discovers a tollbooth in his bedroom and enters it in his toy car. His journey to Dictionopolis is not unlike Alice in Wonderland’s journey, allowing us to meet a book full of delightful characters.
There is the "Whether Man," who tells Milo that “it’s more important to know whether there will be weather than what the weather will be.” There is the "Mountain of Ignorance" where Milo attempts to rescue the twin princesses, "Rhyme and Reason." My favorite is the "Island of Conclusions," where you arrive by simply jumping there. But then you discover it’s hard to get off. For lovers of language and for an inventive story that demonstrates the pleasure of language, this is a must for both children and adults.
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Comments From the Blog:
Questions I Wish I'd Included in July Entry
I haven't had a non-Q-and-A Club entry in the blog since my last newsletter, so you already know about what's been in the blog (with trips and visitors I've been too busy to write much more).
However, I do have additional questions I wish I had included in the blog, and Q-and-A Club topic, titled, "Being American on the Fourth of July." Here they are:
 What most makes you proud to be an American? Why?
What do you think Americans, as a whole, are different than people in other countries? Why?
What do you think is the biggest difficulty in being an American? Why?
What do you think Americans do better than other countries? Why?
If you had to (or could) live someplace other than the United States, where would that be? Why?
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Getting a Different Perspective:
Solving Problems in a Palace
 Imagine what it might be like to walk down this palace corridor and discuss a problem you are having with someone else. In fact, imagine what it would be like if you could "step into" the painting itself.
Perhaps in your mind's eye you have been invited to this palace as a special guest of the king, with the proviso that you and the person with whom you are having a conflict must resolve your issues. Or you've come to meet the king's most trusted and wise advisor, one who always seems to suggest the most effective solution to any complex problem. Enter the picture and allow yourself to experience a resolution arising from the right side of your brain in this metaphorical setting.
This picture, Palace Curves, by John Fabian (who just happens to be one of my two very talented brothers) is part of a special feature on the website. If you'd like to see other paintings that can be used for solving problems, see Stepping Into Pictures. (Click on picture to see an enlarged view then return here for more of the newsletter.)
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Five Articles You May Have Missed:
From Early Perfectionism to Enjoying the Empty Nest
 It's Never Too Early to Take a Good Look at One's Perfectionistic Tendencies
By Arlene Harder
Correspondence with a young girl from Japan shows how easy it is to develop a habit of perfectionism, and how important it is to decide you won't be controlled by what you think others require of you, whether or not they do.
Prioritizing Needs in a Blended Family PLUS Love Has Its Priorities Straight
By Barry and Joyce Vissell
If you are struggling with issues in a blended family, the ideas in this article will help keep your priorities straight for both your children and yourselves. The sidebar helps you point your compass in the right direction.
Reflections From a Woman Alone
By Connie Edwards
This is an unapologetic, humorous memoir about a woman who rediscovers herself and realizes her true feminine power as a single woman after the death of her husband.
Capturing Moments For Memories
By Arlene Harder
Here is a quick stress-buster you can do at your desk, at the beach, or anywhere. Learn to capture memories to be revisited later.
The Joys of Being 50-plus
By Bev Adams
A delightful poem celebrates the pleasure of having children grown and out of the house — and can be sung to the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean."
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© Copyright 2002, Arlene Harder, MFT |
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