Glossary of Helpful Definitions for Non-Chemists
BY DAVID HARDER
Reprinted with permission.
Also be sure to see The Night Before Chemistry
A light-hearted compilation of terms that include some quoted directly from highly-scientific sources.
A to D — E to H — I to M — N to Q — R to Z
A to D
ALCHEMISTS - Charlatans, who long ago searched for ways to make gold from less valuable substances. Despite the innumerable rumors surrounding these men, they were not all chemists.
ALEMBIC - An apparatus formerly used in distilling, consisting of a gourd-shaped vessel containing the substance to be distilled, surmounted by the alembic proper, the beak of which conveyed the vaporous products to a receiver, in which they were condensed. It is now superceded by the "retort" and "wormstill."
ARGON - A noble gas, used in light bulbs, gas discharge lamps, lasers, and Geiger Counters.
BERYLLIUM - An alkaline earth metal used in X-ray tube windows, watch springs and sparkless tools.
BUBBLES - Gases suspended in solution.
CHEMISTRY - A highly-scientific term describing the study of "stuff."
CLATTER - A rattling noise made by the rapidly repeated collision of sonorous bodies which do not ring.
COMPOUNDS - Pure substances that can be broken down by various chemical means into two or more different substances.
CRUCIBLES - Earthenware vessels made to endure great heat, used for fusing metals, etc.
DARK AGES - A period of roughly nine hundred years, during which, the most significant contributions to science were the advent of the windmill and the heavy plow.
DATA - The plural of "datum." (And that's a fact.)
DISSOCIATE - To cut off from association or society; to sever, disunite, sunder.
E to H
EKA-ALUMINUM - An undiscovered element predicted by Mendeleef, which was later found by Lecoq de Boisbaudran, who named it "Gallium."
ELECTRONS - Negatively-charged particles surrounding atomic nuclei.
ELEMENT - A pure substance that cannot be broken down into simpler substances by ordinary chemical means.
EUROPE - A large land mass situated north of Africa.
FISSION - A term made famous by Enrico Fermi on December 2nd, 1942, when he told his wife: "Sorry honey, I'd love to, but me and the boys are going fission today."
GASES - Substances with the following properties:
1) Indefinite and uniform expansion
2) Indefinite shape or volume
3) Compressibility
4) Low density
5) Mixability or fusion
GEIGER COUNTER - A device used to measure radiation.
GOLD - A soft yellowish metal, used in jewelry, electrical contacts, and dental crowns. Its chemical symbol "Au" is derived from the Latin word "aurum," meaning "shining dawn." It is composed of 79 protons, 79 electrons, and 118 neutrons. Designated as: atomic number, 79; Atomic weight, 197.0; Oxidation states, 3.1; Electro negativity, 1.4; Atomic radius, 144; Ionic radius, (+3)85; Electron affinity, 2.31; First ionic potential, 9.23; Electron shell configuration, 1s22s2p63s2p63d104s2p64d105s2p64f145d106s1.
H - The chemical symbol for Hydrogen.
HEISENBURG'S UNCERTAINTY PRICIPLE - Something that no one really understands, no matter how closely they examine it.
HYDROGEN - A colorless, flammable gas (according to Zeppelin.)
I to M
INTELLIGENT - A term which can easily be fabricated out of some old parts laying around the barn.
IONS - Atoms or molecules in which the number of electrons do not equal the number of protons, giving it either a positive or negative charge. Positively-charged ions are called "cations," while negatively-charged ions are called "anions."
ISOMERS - Substances which are similar to other substances.
ISOTOPES - Atoms having different atomic masses or mass numbers, but the same atomic number.
JUMP - The ability of electrons to move spontaneously between shells.
LEAD - A heavy metal (according to Zeppelin.)
MASS - A measure of the amount of matter, based on an object's resistance to being moved when a standard force acts on it.
MATTER - The "stuff" that non-dreams are made of.
METICULOUS - Ridiculously obsessed with extreme minutiae.
MINUTIAE - Extremely small details.
MOLE - The amount of a substance containing the same number of atoms, formula units, molecules, or ions as there are in exactly 12 grams of Carbon-12. This "Avagadro's number" is phenomenally large; it is (approximately) 602,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
MOLECULAR - An adjective referring to molecules (the smallest particles of a pure substance that can exist and still retain the physical and chemical properties of the substance.)
MONEY - The physical substance responsible for the earth's rotation.
N to Q
NEUTRONS - Neutrally charged particles (an oxymoron.)
NITROGEN - A colorless gas used in cryogenic surgery, rocket fuel production, ammonia protection, and liquid cooling processes.
NITROUS OXIDE - Laughing gas.
NUCLEAR - An adjective referring to the nucleus (the center) of atoms.
NUMBERS - 1, 2, 3, etc..
O - The chemical symbol for Oxygen.
ONE - A highly-scientific term describing the number exactly halfway between zero and two.
ORGANIC - Compounds containing carbon-hydrogen bonds (in general.)
OXYGEN - A colorless gas invaluable to combustion, steel production and water purification. It can be found in sand, water, and cement.
PELICAN - An alchemical flask, shaped so that a boiling liquid would drop back again into the same flask.
PERIODIC FUNCTIONS - Elements with similar properties appearing at regular intervals in the periodic table, when they are listed in order of increasing atomic number.
PHILOSOPHER'S STONE - The elusive "substance" sought by Alchemists, which would somehow transfer "stuff" into gold.
PHILOSTOGEN - The supposed "substance" in matter responsible for fire, according to Becher. (When confronted with the fact that some materials actually got heavier after combustion, he explained that sometimes philostogen might have a negative weight.)
PRODUCTS - The things created by reactants.
PROTONS - The positively charged particles in the nuclei of atoms.
QUANTUM MECHANICS - People who leap at the chance to fix things, and charge strictly by the hour.
R to Z
RADIOACTIVE - Elements such as radium.
RADIUM - A radioactive element.
REACTANTS - The things that create products.
REACTIONS - Processes involving either combustion (A+Z -> AZ), decomposition (AZ -> A+Z), double replacement (AX+BZ -> AZ+BX), neutralization (HX+MOH -> MX + HOH), or single replacement (A+BZ -> AZ+B, where a metal replaces a metal ion in its salt or hydrogen ion in an acid, or X+BZ -> BX+Z, where a non-metal replaces a non-metal ion in its acid or salt.) Given that A, B, X and Z are elements or compounds, HX is an acid, and MOH is a base.
ALPHBETICAL - One scientific way of assorting things.
SALT - A compound formed when one or more of the hydrogen ions of an acid is replaced with an cation (metal or positive polyatomic ion) or when one or more of the hydroxide ions of a base is replaced with an anion (nonmetal or negative polyatomic ion.)
SCHRODINGER'S CAT - One of Schroedinger's pet projects, which he did when he wasn't busy surfing with wave mechanics.
SCIENCE - A very highly-scientific term.
SEE-OH-TWO - Carbon Dioxide, a colorless gas, found in beer.
SHELLS - The principle energy levels of electrons in atoms.
VALENCE - The electrons occupying the highest principle energy level in an atom.
VANADIUM - A metal used in construction materials, tools, springs, and jet engines.
YO - a highly-scientific term meaning: "Eureka, I have found it!"
YTTRIUM - A metal used in color TV screens, radar, lasers, camera lenses, and fireproof bricks.
© Copyright 2001, David Harder
|
