Images and Symbols: The Glue of Habit, The Lubricant of Change

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Easy Relaxation Techniques

BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT

Chapter - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13

There are a few lucky people for whom focused relaxation comes naturally. They can easily release muscle tension and quiet the mind. The rest of us, however, may only relax when we're falling asleep, watching TV, or looking at the sunset.

The trick is to relax AND at the same time stay focused on a single thought or tuned into the core of who we really are when we stop our mind-chatter.

Just as I didn't know for many years that I wasn't breathing properly, it was many years before I realized I didn't know how to experience this special kind of relaxation. What I have now learned, and want to pass on to you, is that relaxation is an essential skill if you want to control anxiety, reduce pain and take full advantage of imagery techniques.

The Relationship Between Relaxation and Imagery Techniques

As you have undoubtedly heard dozens of times, and perhaps experienced yourself, a constant state of anxiety or defensiveness creates muscle tension that builds up, over a period of time, until the person experiences problems that range from headaches and backaches to constipation and insomnia. This does not mean tension alone causes disease (see Evidence for a Mind-Body Connection), but it does point to the need, on a purely physical level, to learn relaxation skills in order to reduce or eliminate further tension-related problems. However, another benefit of learning focused relaxation, as formerly-tense people will attest, is the inner peace and serenity that comes with relaxation.

During most of the day your mind is occupied with your responsibilities and on the relative importance you place on your wealth, status and opinions. However, as with the benefit of focusing on the breath, when you consciously relax you disconnect the neurons that keep your mind stirred up by constantly reviewing (and thus reinforcing) these thoughts. Further, when you focus on relaxing rather than on thinking, your muscles, previously controlled by your thoughts, are able to release their tension. Consequently, your body can move into a state of quiet, healing equilibrium, which allows you to be receptive to the insights and peace that lie at the center of your being. The more often you practice becoming quiet and still, the more easily and quickly you will create new (calmer) pathways for the neurons to travel.

Experimenting with Relaxation Techniques

In order to develop the ability to do focused relaxation, all you need is the incentive to learn and the willingness to make the practice of relaxation a conscious part of health maintenance as often as possible: However, you may need to experiment with a number of techniques before you find one that fits you best. I discuss several of these methods below to give you an idea of some ways you can start disconnecting those tension-building neurons.

NOTE: You can also use these ideas as a substitute for relaxation instructions on an imagery tape to which you are listening. I say this because there are sometimes occasions when you may not care for the particular approach used by the guide of an imagery exercise and will want to use your own technique.

Getting Your Body Settled

Here are two ways to get your body ready for relaxation (as well as for the imagery exercise you are about to experience). Incidentally, you can gently close your eyes either before you start this process or when you are through and ready to focus within.

1. As you prepare to relax, allow your body to settle in as comfortable a position as possible, allowing the furniture (or floor or bed if you are doing this lying down) to completely support you.

2. When you sit back or lie down, notice how it feels to have your body touching the chair or bed or sofa. . . . Notice the sensation of your hands resting on your lap or on the furniture. . . Notice your feet and how they feel within your shoes and stockings or how they feel if you do not have them covered. . . . Simply be aware of how your body is wonderfully supported.

If you are still uncomfortable during the course of an imagery and some part of your body distracts you, speak to that part of your body, telling it that you are aware of how it feels, but that you choose now to concentrate on relaxing. Let the discomfort fade into the background as you focus on the particular exercise you want to do. If that doesn't work, then allow yourself to move so that you may become more comfortable. I realize, of course, that some instructors suggest you should stay with the experience of discomfort and watch that feeling change. That may be fine for mindful meditation and more advanced imagery work, but if you set up rigid roadblocks before you've learned how to relax, it will take you longer to learn the process than is necessary.

Progressive Relaxation

A number of exercises use a relaxation training system called progressive relaxation. With this technique, you tighten and then relax various muscle groups, noticing the difference between tension and release. The immediate feedback is especially good for people who aren't even aware that they carry tension like a second layer of skin. You can practice a simplified version of this technique right now by following these steps.

Incidentally, while this is a good method to introduce relaxation to people who are unaware of when they are tense, I personally find it frustrating if it is on an imagery tape. I don't mind being guided through most relaxation steps that provide a general instruction for relaxing, as in the section above, but I find the reminder to tighten and release muscles unnecessary if I have to listen to it before I get to the central message of the tape. Nevertheless, if this works best for you, I encourage you to use it.

Use Your Breath to Relax

Since this chapter is about relaxation, I’m going to repeat what I said in the last chapter: one of the easiest ways to develop effective relaxation techniques is to practice abdominal breathing and use a “signal” breath to shift from outer to inner focus.

To notice the connection between focusing on the breath and relaxation, as you breathe with your natural rhythm without any effort to change the pace or depth of your normal breathing pattern, let your breath come and go in the natural way that it has been doing ever since the day you were born. Observe how cool air gently enters your body when you inhale and how, when you exhale, you put a little bit of your warmth into the world.

As you experience the ebb and flow of each breath, gradually become more relaxed than you were a moment before . . . more peaceful . . . more comfortable. . . . With each breath, imagine that every cell of your body becomes at ease and all the tension, tightness or discomfort drains down your spine, down your legs, and then into the ground. Soon you will find yourself in a state of pleasant, relaxed consciousness.

Relax Without Paying Attention to the Breath

If you have problems with breathing, you may want to use this method. You may also find this works well if you don't have difficulty breathing.

As you sit back, allow yourself to be completely supported by the chair and imagine that a wonderfully gentle and healing energy surrounds your body and that this very special energy can absorb any tension from your body, mind and spirit. If there is a color to this energy, notice what that color is. Then allow any worry, tension or discomfort to be released into this gentle light. You may even be able to notice if the light changes color as tension leaves your body.

One way you can use this idea of relaxation-creating energy is to imagine that you are sitting in a field of flowing energy that comes down through your body from the top of your head and flows out through the bottom of your feet. (Others find they do just as well imagining the energy is coming up from the floor.) You might also imagine you are in a gentle waterfall and watch one drop as it falls from the top to the bottom, following a piece of energy as it moves through you.

Take Mini-Vacations Whenever You Want

Throughout the day there are many times when you may want to "get away from it all," but you can't just pack your bags and fly to a relaxing resort on Hawaii. The next best (and cheaper) thing, however, may be to take these two three-step mini-vacations. Note that they can be mixed-and-matched, using different relaxation technique to reach different destinations.

© Copyright 2008, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT