A Cloak of Persuasion

BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT

This story illustrates how you can use a symbol to give you support when you need to win an argument or in some other way change a person's point of view.

Like most of us, you have superb hindsight. In the middle of an argument, you know what's wrong with the other guy's position. But somehow you can't quite figure out how to convince him. The minute he leaves (or at least by the next morning), you realize what it was you could have said that would have convinced him of the rightness of your opinion, which is clearly superior to his.

Like most of us, you intend to keep your head when all about are losing theirs and blaming it on you. Yet when push comes to shove, you sometimes let yourself get pushed instead of standing up for yourself.

Finally, like most of us, you are sure the world would be a much better place if only the politicians would govern as you think they should. Unfortunately, you haven't had the chance to share your brilliant ideas with the people in power, well, beyond writing a letter or calling your congressperson.

Don't worry. The ideas below will give you a chance to shine as you've never done before. Just follow Steps 1 through 4.

Step 1: Think about a situation where you would like to win an argument, persuade someone in power to take the right position, or maybe even save someone from ruining his or her life.

Step 2: Imagine you have an invisible cloak made from a magical light-weight cloth that confers the power of persuasion on the one who wears it.

Step 3: Imagine you put on the cloak and let a feeling of confident assurance flow throughout your body as you persuade others to do what you know is right.

Step 4: Close your eyes and notice what it would feel like to actually do Steps 3 and 4 in a real situation.

Be sure to allow yourself to feel what it would be like if you could keep your wits about you and remember the brilliant statement against which there will surely be no rebuttal . . . or show a politician how he can make wise decisions . . . or feel yourself able to say "no" to something others want you to do, although you know it isn't good for you.

Got the picture? Have fun.

When you're through doing this exercise with the cloak of persuasion, remember that when you want someone to accept your point of view, or when you've been thrown off kilter by a situation and want to maintain a sense of balance, you can always go to your special inner closet and take out the cloak. Then simply wrap it around you and remember the sense of assurance you had while doing this Quick-Break.

There are no guarantees that by wearing a cloak of persuasion you will win every argument. Some of your ideas may need a little revising. But at least you won't be stopped from offering your opinion because you don't have the courage to say what's on your mind.

To use this cloak most effectively, I suggest you read Preventing Ego From Destroying Love and Unhooking the Velcro Syndrome. These articles have lots of good ideas for learning how to remain calm while discussing differences of opinion

© Copyright March 23, 2000, Revised 2002, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT

ASK YOURSELF:

What Have I Learned That I Can Pass On?

I've learned that shouldn't cry over anything that can't cry back.

— Age 60

I've learned that you should never leave your one-year-old Dalmatian alone in a room with a black permanent marker and real clean carpet.

— Age 11

I've learned that someone who has never said "I'm sorry" after a five-year relationship is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

— Age 22

I've learned that happiness is not how much you have but your capacity to enjoy what you have.

— Age 44

These quotes come from Live and Learn and Pass it On, written and compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr., and are reprinted with permission.