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The most freeing thing is to like your imperfections.
— Virginia Woolf
Yesterday the webmaster who's responsible for making sure you get this newsletter each month had suggested I write "something" so you would get more than a simple listing of new articles. "I can't write anything," I told her, "I'm way too busy." And if I had been paying attention to what I felt in my body, I could have described it as attempting to stay afloat while being tossed around by foaming waves.
Then, in the middle of the night last night (a time when I get lots of my ideas, some of which pan out and others of which are thrown out when they have to face the light of day) I had a realization I want to share with you because you may find yourself in this situation from time to time.
You see, I will probably never be a totally laid back, easy going, sit around and relax-a-lot kind of person. I'm just not wired that way. In fact, my brain is going every moment I'm awake and it's only with yoga, exercise and meditation that I can slow down and have a better perspective on all the ideas my crazy brain generates. Of course, I enjoy being creative. It's what nurtures me.
But sometimes I go overboard and have to make a conscious effort to step back and bring some balance into my life. That's why I didn't work last week. Read a book. Went to the Long Beach Aquarium where I stayed until they closed (in the past I've always gone to aquariums with others and had to leave before I was ready, so this was a real treat). Took myself to the beach. (Sorry, you who live where you're having record cold, but the weather here has been unseasonably warm and it's been in the 70's and 80's. On the other hand, we could sure use some rain.) And what did I do at the beach? I simply sat and watched the waves.
So sometimes I CAN slow down. But this week I got back on the fast track because a person with whom I'm producing a Goal Support Kit had a deadline he wanted us to reach in order to test out the product. Lying in bed last night I started planning today and wondered what I could cut down on to squeeze more time out of my 24-hour allotment. Maybe I can skip yoga, I thought, or take a shorter walk.
That's when I could almost sense myself in waist-deep water buffeted by one wave after another tossing me this way and that. Hey, wait a minute, I thought. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be on the beach WATCHING the waves, not IN them. I only like having waves wash over me when I CHOSE to be there. In the image arising in my mind, I definitely was not in charge.
I knew right then I had to take control of some projects that, if left to their own devices, would take over my life, tossing me around until I drag myself onto dry land, wet and limp and not good for much of anything.
May you, too, find a way out of the waves and onto the beach.
© Copyright 2004, Revised 2007, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT |
