A guided imagery exercise:
Lightening Your Load of Guilt by Forgiving Yourself
AN IMAGERY SCRIPT BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT
We carry a great weight with us when we refuse to recognize we couldn't do better in the past then we knew how to do at the time.
If you have been carrying a heavy load of guilt over something that happened long ago-or maybe just last month-this script can help you release that guilt. Since I have covered this technique in the article called Forgiving Yourself and Others, here I present the idea in the form of an imagery script, or exercise.
As with all the imagery scripts on this website, you can use this in several different ways. First, simply read it as you would read any article, with the purpose of learning something and exploring how that might apply to you. On the other hand, you may want to get into the piece more deeply by reading it several times to yourself, pausing when you come to breaks identified by three periods (. . .) in order to have time to experience that section in whatever way feels comfortable to you.
Or, you can try to experience it as a regular imagery exercise is usually done, that is, first read it into a tape player (or have a friend or family member read it for you) and then, as you listen to it, close your eyes and follow along in whatever way feels right to you. To learn more about the technique of imagery, I suggest you first read Using Imagery Scripts. You might even want to take our Imagery Classes, which are easy to do at your own pace and can teach you about this effective technique for gaining insight into the forgiveness process.
You can begin this process by first becoming as comfortable as you can. . . . and as you allow yourself to relax and your body to feel fully supported, gently close your eyes . . . And now turn your attention to your breath, first focusing for awhile on the outgoing breaths, feeling the air leaving your body . . . and then, for awhile, experiencing the breaths you breath in . . . with each breath allowing yourself to become more and more relaxed, more and more comfortable. . . .
Remaining very relaxed and yet alert, quiet the chatter in your mind and become aware of that place within where you are open to healing and new possibilities. . . .
And now, from that centered, open place within, remember something you did, or failed to do, that causes you to feel bad when you are reminded of it. . . . As you remember the mistake you criticize yourself for, experience the guilt and pain you have carried in your heart because you made decisions back then that you later wished you hadn't made. . . .
And now allow an image to form of who you were when you made decisions you now regret. Have this image stand or sit in front of you and experience as fully as you can what you looked like back then, even what you would have worn. . . .
As you observe this person that you once were, recall your former goals, your dreams, your expectations. . . . What experiences had you had that created your outlook on life? . . . Notice how much less you knew then and how much more you still needed to learn about life. . . .
When you made this mistake, were you determined to mess up your life or to harm some else? If you knew how to make better choices, did you deliberately make dumb decisions? The answer, of course, is "no." And how do you make choices today? You try to do the best you know how, even though, in the future, you'll learn even more things it would be helpful to know right now. We all have to make our decisions based on the experience and knowledge we currently have. You've always attempted to do the best you could do. You do not plan to make poor choices.
Unfortunately, when you think about who you were back then, you condemn yourself for not making good choices. The regret you feel gets piled all together with the guilt from other mistakes you've made until you carry a very heavy load. But fortunately, you can lighten that load of guilt by no longer demanding that the younger version of yourself should have known what you could not possibly have known at that time.
And so, again bring your attention to the image of yourself as you were in the past. As you are looking at this younger self, I will read you some words you can use to release the guilt you've been carrying. I will first go through this statement without any pauses and will then read the words again more slowly, giving you time to repeat the words either aloud or silently to yourself. You may want to say the same words I say or, if you prefer, choose words that are more comfortable for you. There will be times when you will need to add your own words in order to make this exercise fit your specific situation.
And now, here is what you can say to the person you used to be.
"When I look back on what you did or did not do, I have a difficult time accepting you. I expected you to make choices you did not know how to make. I expected you to do things you did not know how to do. Those expectations have made me very critical of you. I wanted you to be different from who you were. Now I am willing to remove the conditions I placed on you to be someone you could not be at the time. I remove the demands and expectations that have kept me from accepting you. My love and affection go out to you just as you are."
And now I will repeat those words again and you may follow in any way you would like. Again, remember that you can change any words if you wish or may use the words just as you hear them. . . . Looking at the person you used to be, you say:
"When I look back on what you did or did not do, . . . I have a difficult time accepting you. . . . I expected you to make choices you did not know how to make. . . . I expected you to do things you didn't know how to do. . . . Those expectations have made me very critical of you. . . . I wanted you to be different from who you were. . . . Now I am willing to remove the conditions I placed on you . . . to be someone you could not be at the time. . . . I remove the demands and expectations . . . that have kept me from accepting you. . . . My love and affection go out to you just as you are." . . .
And now, feel love flowing from you to the image of the younger person you carry inside, the one who was doing the best he or she could do at the time mistakes were made. As you do, allow yourself to be both the giver and receiver of forgiveness, letting that love flow through every part of your body. . . . Feel the release of tension that comes from forgiveness. . . .
And now imagine a symbol that represents your willingness to forgive yourself. It may be something tangible, a real object that you can experience with your senses. Or perhaps it is an intangible symbol, like a peaceful ocean breeze or a sunrise that might represent forgiveness. . . Receive this symbol as a gift you give yourself, noticing how you might use it to reinforce your new view of yourself. . . .
And now, in the final part of this exercise, notice if there is a small step you can take to demonstrate that you love and accept yourself just as you are-and as you were, even while striving to become a better person. . . .
And now, become aware of the room, bringing with you whatever is important for you to remember . . . and taking a deep breath . . . stretch your arms and legs . . . and gently open your eyes so that you are fully alert and awake, appreciating all you have learned and who you have become.
© Copyright 1992, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT, Revised 02/12/02 |
