|
An idea on time management from a great life coach for personal development growth:
Finishing Something Versus Being Complete About It
BY LEA BRANDENBURG
Reprinted with permission
From her article entitled "Something on Your Mind?"
This life coach encourages us to learn how to complete things so we have a sense of accomplishment rather than just finishing them.
Although the dictionary defines "complete" and "finish" in a similar fashion, there is a subtle difference in how these two words affect our lives. You can be finished with something, but not complete.
For example, you've finished a project at work, yet you have residual feelings about it after its over. You've ended a relationship, yet each time you hear a particular song you experience sadness or a sense of loss. You've just returned from a family gathering, but can't seem to get a comment a relative made out of your head. In each of these examples, you've finished, or brought to a conclusion an event, task or relationship, yet there isn't a sense of completion or wholeness about the experience. You still have something on your mind.
The biggest difference between finishing something and being complete about it is that with completion comes a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. When we simply finish something in our lives, chances are we have left something unresolved for ourselves. And more than likely what hasn't been resolved will show up the next time we experience something that mirrors the previous incident.
Have you ever found yourself reacting to something in the present that could have been worked out in the past? An argument you had with a spouse, parent or child that was finished, but not complete? And showed up again when a similar argument happened in the present? Have you ever felt like you were having the same argument or discussion over and over again? Chances are it has never been completed. How about a situation with a co-worker that eventually got better, but was never completed? Do you find yourself not trusting this person in the present? That's a hold over from this incident not being completed. What about a work-related project you knew that you could do better on, but had to be finished because of a deadline? Although it was finished, in the back of your mind do you wonder if you will be "found out"?
A wonderful way to create space in our lives is to clear out any unresolved incidents, experiences or situations. Things that are incomplete in our lives tend to be energy drainers. Here are a few suggestions that can help you do complete work:
Do excellent work in the first place. Be thorough and honor your personal work standards. Many times deadlines at work push us into doing work that we don't consider to be the best we can do. Ask for more time. Do the best you can possibly do given the time allotted. Honor your sense of personal integrity. When you know inside of you, that you've done your best and given your best, you are complete.
Say something in the moment or as close to the original moment as possible. If someone says something hurtful to you, express yourself. "I felt …., when you said ….". It is important to speak from your feelings and not to blame the other person. This is not about changing the other persons behavior, but to express yourself in such a way that you are complete with this specific communication exchange.
Although circumstances do not allow you to have the kind of closure or completion that you feel is right for you try this: "I now declare this (project, incident, experience….) complete." You get to decide when something is complete since this is about creating freedom in your life.
Try writing a letter for yourself about the experience. Perhaps change the way things turned out. Perhaps forgive the other person. Perhaps express your anger. This is a journaling method that allows you to find completion when the other person is unavailable to help you work through what is unresolved.
Try telling your story over and over and over and over again. What happens each time you tell your story and the injustices that occurred to you is a sense of detachment. The sting and/or hurt dissipates each time you tell it. When you feel the shift within yourself, you are now complete about the story you've been telling. And you can move on. Enroll your friends into helping you with this one. Allow the healing and the distancing to occur as you tell your story.
Create a ritual for letting go. Buy yourself a bag of marbles and each day drop one into a body of water. This is a symbolic way of letting go anything you may be holding on to that is affecting your present.
One of the paradoxes inherent in doing complete work is that our lives are works-in-progress. We are constantly growing and evolving. Paradox or not, it is possible to be complete with the moments of our lives. When we chose to do complete work in the moment, we are clearing space in our lives for what's next. Holding onto unresolved past incidents clutters our present. Try shifting your focus from finishing things in your life to doing complete work and see what happens for you.
© 2002, Lea Brandenburg
Lea Brandenburg is president of Creating Strategies in New York, NY, and has been coaching an international group of clients and businesses since 1997. Her areas of expertise and passion are interpersonal and business communication, intuitive intelligence and creativity. She is a graduate of Coach U, the coaching industry's premiere and oldest training program, a member of the International Coach Federation, which is an association dedicated to preserving the integrity and ethics of the coaching profession, and a Founding Member of Coachville, the first on line coaching training company and portal. You can contact her at lea@creatingstrategies.com. |
