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A good idea from a life coach for personal development growth:
Clear A Path For Communication
BY LEA BRANDENBURG
Reprinted with permission
This life coach offers several suggestions for how you can create a space for better communication to occur.
Communication fulfills a primary human need: the need to connect with other humans. In prisons, solitary confinement is used as a form of punishment because it deprives inmates of the opportunity to meet this basic need. It is considered a hardship, because by nature humans are social beings and must have a connection to other humans.
In order to satisfy this fundamental need, it is important to clear a path during the communication process. The first thing is to recognize that communication is a two-way process. It is an activity, not a one-time event. Communication is not complete until the listener has heard you, understood you and responded to you. True communication is never a monologue, it is always dialogue where the listener's role is as central to the process as the role of the speaker.
Here are a few suggestions to help you clear a path as you communicate:
Create a space for communication to occur. As a speaker, become aware of what your barriers and filters are. We all have opinions, personal history, expectations and ideas. Learn how these affect you when you speak with others. As a listener, identify your red flag words, triggers and hot button topics. Being aware of them will help you avoid distorting the speaker's message, becoming defensive or shutting down as he or she speaks.
Shift your focus to the other person as you converse. Place your emphasis on trying to understand, rather than be understood. People can (and will) have other ideas, thoughts and feelings. Don't try to convert them to your way. Let go of pushing to prove yourself right. Ask yourself is being right more important than authentic communication?
Be responsible for yourself and the situation. Make a commitment to speak authentically and make the effort to listen and understand what's being said. Ask for feedback. Try asking: "What do you hear me saying?" As a listener, try asking: "Have I understood you correctly? Will you correct me if I don't really get what you've said?" Listen and then reflect back what you've heard.
Make sure your actions and words match. Communication happens both verbally and non-verbally. Your body and face speak volumes. Does your facial expression support the words? Does your vocal tone and inflexions match the words you are saying? Do your movements support the message or are they in conflict with the message you are giving? Be aware and coordinate your verbal and non-verbal messages. When they match, the listener perceives you to be genuine because you are sending one message, not two.
Accept that conflict is part of being in relationship to others. Agree that when conflict develops it will be addressed. Don't settle for false harmony. False harmony occurs when two people pretend a conflict doesn't exist and will go to any length to avoid it. Commit to paying attention to it and to resolving it in a mutually beneficial way. Conflict is part of life, acknowledge it, expect it, anticipate it and develop ways to move through it. Albert Einstein summed it up beautifully: "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." Be willing to take risks and participate in the dance of communication.
Clearing a path, just like communication itself, is a process. You can start the process by making these simple adjustments.
Over 400 years ago John Donne, an English poet, wrote: No man is an island, entire of itself; Everyman is a piece of the continent. Communication is the bridge between our individual islands. It is the glue that brings us together. So, clear a path for yourself.
© 2002, Lea Brandenburg
Lea Brandenburg is president of Creating Strategies in New York, NY, and has been coaching an international group of clients and businesses since 1997. Her areas of expertise and passion are interpersonal and business communication, intuitive intelligence and creativity. She is a graduate of Coach U, the coaching industry's premiere and oldest training program, a member of the International Coach Federation, which is an association dedicated to preserving the integrity and ethics of the coaching profession, and a Founding Member of Coachville, the first on line coaching training company and portal. You can contact her at lea@creatingstrategies.com. |
