Why I Don't Like The Secret

BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT

How much power do you think you have over what happens in your life?

In May, 2007, I wrote a two-part blog on The Secret, a book accepted as gospel by thousands of devotees who espouse the New Age belief that your thoughts create reality. The reason I now add both parts of the blog entry here on Support4Change is that I have written a chapter in a book called The Law of Attraction in Action, Volume 2 and offer it as a special bonus (at no charge) to subscribers of the free newsletter.

So I feel as though I need to explain how I could not like one book that espouses "the law of attraction" but contribute to the other that has a number of articles based on that concept.. So here is the blog entry (with a few changes to bring it up to date) and then a comment on what is different between the two books.

From Support4Change Blog May 20, 2007

It is not a secret that The Secret by Rhonda Byrne is highly successful, on top of the New York Times Best Seller List. After all, it offers us the chance to believe we can “have, be, or do anything” we want by simply thinking it is so.

The “secret” to the book's success is undoubtedly because it offers a simple solution in a complex world begging for unambiguous answers.

The Secret is also successful because we like conspiracy theories. When someone says, this is the answer to total success in all areas of life—and that it has been kept from the ordinary person for centuries by a small group of the rich and wise—we feel special to be brought into the inner circle. The title is great. We want to believe we are buying an “incredible revelation that will be life-transforming.”

No matter how hard I tried, however, I couldn't find a “secret” in this popular book. There were some things with which I agreed, and many I did not. For example:

1. I absolutely agree that we all have the ability to decide how we will respond to events in our lives. I've known this for decades, and I'm neither rich nor particularly wise. A common example can be observed when people get together. Imagine you're having a miserable time at a party because someone you don't like has been invited. Can you change this other person's behavior? No. But when you choose to accept him just as he is, you discover that he seems to have suddenly become nicer and the whole atmosphere in the room becomes brighter. Did you change him with your thought? No. Your thoughts simply affected how you viewed him. Is this ability to shift your attitude a “secret” known only to a few? No. This has always been true and known to millions, even though they may not have practiced the concept.

Imagine you have often done poorly in job interviews. Into every new interview you drag a briefcase full of past rejections. What's likely to happen? You're going to have a hard time convincing a potential employer that you'd meet his need for an outgoing and positive employee. However, leave the negative briefcase behind when you go into the next interview, enter the room with conviction that you will be a great asset to the company, and feel confident in your ability to show the interviewer your excellent qualities. What is likely to happen? There's no guarantee, but you will have a good change of getting the job. Is your ability to shift your attitude a “secret”? No.

If you got the job, would it be because you “thought” your success into existence? Maybe, to the extent that if you believe something is possible, you set the stage for achieving it. But it makes no sense to me to believe that if you think you can that you will. Such reasoning ignores the fact that only one person gets to be president of a company or a country, no matter how many people feel positive about it. “Thinking you can” makes it possible to work toward a goal, it doesn't guarantee success. “Thinking you can't” will almost surely guarantee failure.

2. I believe that even when people have had an unfortunate childhood and live in less than optimal conditions, in every person there is love. In every person there is healing power. In every person there are sources for both serenity and vitality. In every person there is potential for beauty, wisdom and success.

That does not mean that within every person is the absolute power to have whatever he or she wants. Our bodies, minds, and the physical world have limitations, no matter how much we may wish otherwise.

3. Do you want something? All you need to do is remember the “Law of Attraction.” This is a theory that claims our minds act like a powerful magnet to draw to us anything we want, a theory presented on an equal footing with the law of gravity. Merely by thinking you can, you will have unlimited happiness, health, wealth, and success. This promise feeds our ego's narcissistic need to believe we are entitled to whatever we want. Like a giant Genie with a magic lamp, the Universe will respond to our every wish. All we have to do is ask for what we want.

What is missing is the suggestion that the world might be a better place if we were to ask the Universe not so much for what we want, but what it requires from us.

I acknowledge that The Secret encourages gratitude, but even here it is coached in a way that implies we can have more if we are grateful for what we already have. Where is the concept of simply being grateful without asking, or expecting, anything in return?

4. According to The Secret, your thoughts cause all the good things in your life, and also the bad things. From this reasoning comes the conclusion that if you are a victim of floods, terrorist attacks, rapes, factory closings, and cancer, it's because you somehow created these negative events through the negative vibration of your thoughts.

The logic behind this reasoning baffles me. You see, according to meteorology, as I understand it, the small beginnings of a hurricane can be initiated by a butterfly in Africa. Did the butterfly play a role in all of this or was there a person, or perhaps all the citizens of New Orleans, whose thoughts unconsciously caused the butterfly's wings to flutter? If the latter is true and you live in New Orleans—and if you accept the premise of the Law of Attraction, you may feel more than a twinge of guilt for all the damage your bad thoughts created. On the other hand, if you live where the weather is more benign, you have a guilt-free ticket and can take comfort in believing you cause gentle rains and sweet sun.

Too bad that all the people in Darfur just happen to have brought their misery upon themselves. If only they would think more positively, they could wish away the Janjaweed who rape and burn and torture. Unfortunately, when you blame the victim, it is easy to abandon the sick, dying, and less fortunate while you focus on gathering to yourself new toys and bigger houses in which to store them.

5. The author of The Secret, Rhonda Byrne, doesn't read the papers or watch TV because she says it's too depressing. She wants to keep her mind clear for positive thoughts. Yet it seems to me that trying so hard to limit your vision to only that which is positive prevents one from understanding what it means to be fully human.

The essence of who I am today has been forged from both my many fortunate blessings and my trials and tribulations, which have been more than a few. Since I don't believe that the pain in my friends' lives has been brought upon them by their thoughts—even when I can see that a change in their attitude could make their lives easier, I don't abandon them. By going through their struggles with them, I believe that today I am stronger, more empathic, and more compassionate than I would be if I were given my every wish.

6. I agree that sometimes things happen that can't quite be explained. You think about a person and five minutes later they call. Is that just serendipity or did you cause it? But how many people do we think of who don't call? When someone wins the lottery and says it is because they “knew” in their heart that they would, I'll almost guarantee you that there are others who also “knew” (with the same intensity) that they would win, but didn't.

NOTE: Continued at bottom of next column

© Copyright 2007, Revised 2009 Arlene Harder, MA, MFT

Why I Like The Law of Attraction in Action Compiled by the Wonderful Web Women Online Community

BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT

NOTE: Be sure to read below (after this brief article) for the continuation of the article on the left

It is tempting to write that the reason I like The Law of Attraction in Action, Volume Two, is because I wrote an article that appears in it. It is called "Living With a Perfectionist: Advice for Families from a Therapist Who is a Recovering Perfectionist."

I will admit that when I see anyone quoting The Secret and talking about "the law of attraction" as though it is a scientific fact that will bring you wealth, health, wisdom, and all that life can offer, I question their ability to think rationally. Do they really believe everything The Secret claims? So at first I was hesitant to become a member of Wonderful Web Women Wonderful Web Women when I saw the title of their first collaborative book, The Law of Attraction in Action, Volume One.. Then I realized that the 2008 book included the phrase "in action," words that make all the difference.

We are not captions of our ships and masters of our souls sailing under our own power and wherever we wish. The universe insists on blowing us to places we hadn't wanted to go, consciously or unconsciously. But we do have the power to respond to what life offers wherever the winds will blow and we have the power to take action to make our dreams come true to the greatest extent possible.

So that is why I am pleased to gift you with the 289 page e-book of The Law of Attraction in Action, Volume 2, when you subscribe to the newsletter. It is written by members of Wonderful Web Women from countries as diverse as Australia, The USA, Singapore, France and New Zealand. Every one of the 50 articles, some by best-selling authors, ends with a series of practical actions you can take today to start attracting success in your life -- BUT ONLY IF YOU TAKE ACTION TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

Valued at $47, it includes many offers that could save you hundreds of dollars from free courses, books, generous discounts or complementary coaching and memberships. And as an extra bonus, you will also receive Volume 1, which has inspired thousands of people around the world to take action and attract success into their lives.

Since the book covers a range of topics, you won't be interested in all of them. But I am willing to bet that you will find something you could use.

I especially hope you like my article, on page 49, titled “Living With a Perfectionist: Advice to Families from a Therapist Who is Also a Recovering Perfectionist.” If you click on the link at the end of that article, you will notice I offer four gifts. If you would like them (in addition to this gift introducing you to Better Tomorrows), you just need to click on the link, give your name and email, and you get a page where you'll get the link to access my four gifts.

CONTINUATION OF REVIEW
ON THE LEFT

7. Unfortunately, there is little evidence in The Secret to support the idea for the “Law of Attraction.” Anecdotal evidence is selective.

For example, Jack Canfield has produced many excellent “Chicken Soup” books and has made a pile of money in doing so. In The Secret his story is told as though he went from earning $8,000 a year to almost $100,000 with a lot of luck and fortuitous connections. What wasn't mentioned is the fact that every day he and his partner would do five things to promote their first book, from signing five books and giving them to people for free, to giving talks at churches and sending out free copies to reviewers, or giving five radio interviews. If that isn't work, I don't know what is. His “success” comes as much from what he did as from what he believed was possible.

Throughout The Secret there are many opinions given and statements made without citations and proof, such as the quote that “there is scientific proof that positive thoughts are 100% more powerful than negative thoughts.” I would love to read empirical evidence to support that statement, but it was nowhere to be found in the book.

And while I don't know the source for some of the quotations, I do know that a quotation by Buddha was taken out of context. Then it was used to support the Law of Attraction.

8. There are few specific steps offered in The Secret that one can take to achieve the success that the author, and her supporters, claim are possible for everyone. In one of the few practical suggestions, Bryne recommends that, at the end of the day, you review the events you didn't like and imagine a different ending.

I'm not surprised that it would make you feel good if, for example, you had had an accident because you turned left in front of a line of traffic and then visualized yourself not having an accident. But wouldn't it be much better, in the long run, if you thought about why you were in such a hurry that you jeopardized the lives of other people? A little self-reflection may help you discover how not to let that happen again.

To the extent that The Secret encourages readers to stop feeling sorry for themselves and to set positive goals toward which they want to move, it can be of value, especially for what some have called the “worried well.” However, the book's simplistic, convoluted, black-and-white reasoning and platitudes without substance are little help to those who, like homeless schizophrenics, make up the “walking wounded.”

The author accurately recognizes that what you believe influences how you experience what happens to you. Then she extrapolates that observation into a simple, magical theory about cause and effect—a theory that we don't just influence what happens, we control everything through our thoughts.

Do you want to have whatever you want? Believe it will be possible and you will make it true. Do you have something? You wanted it. Do you not have it? You didn't want it.

Unfortunately, such circular reasoning can lead us into a pile of trouble. Consider the present mess in Iraq. Central member of the past administration were true believers. They sincerely believed in victory. They had absolute faith. Now millions have suffered, and will continue to suffer, from the hubris of operating from a position that belief without supportive facts is good enough.

If you want to get a levelheaded perspective on why we all (from presidents to janitors) justify foolish beliefs, make bad decisions, and commit hurtful acts, be sure to read Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me). In this excellent book, two well-known sociologists, Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, cite many studies and observations of social and political events to explain why and how we can accept inconsistent ideas and not see a contradiction between them. The need to justify our opinions to ourselves, and to others, is particularly important when we hold fairly extreme ideas—and when our identity is tied to those positions—even in the face of glaring evidence to the contrary.

As I read The Secret, I kept coming up with questions I wished the author would address. For example, I wondered whether the thoughts of children created abusive parents. (According to some metaphysical concepts, we choose our parents before our births, so in a sense, based on that philosophy, I guess you could say children are responsible for their unhappy childhoods.) Do genes play any role in who we are, or do we have the power to overcome our genetic makeup with our thoughts? Does a person born with spinal bifida have the ability to think himself onto the Harlem Globetrotters?

I end this review with an observation to which I would love Rhonda Bryne to respond. Imagine there are two high school football teams. Each has been practicing for many hours. Every member on both teams believes deeply in his heart that their team will win. They imagine the trophy on their shelves. Their thoughts are as positive as thoughts can be. They do everything possible to win. One team wins. One loses. Why? Did one not believe strongly enough? Was one not positive enough? Or is it just possible that there is more to what happens to us than wishing something is so?