A Promise Not to Text

February 9, 2011

Discover how you can help prevent car accidents.

My grandson was killed several years ago but by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel. So I know the pain of suddenly losing a person you love very much. It is doubly painful to know that the accident could have been prevented.

That is why I want to share with you a video my brother sent me yesterday.  I think everyone who has ever texted (apparently it’s a real word) should absolutely watch. It is ten minutes but can save a life, maybe even yours.

The AT&T “Don’t Text While Driving” documentary below focuses on several young people who were texting while driving; it was the last thing they would ever type. The CoolestOne.com, where I first saw the video, says it should be shown in every high school. I agree. Even more, every parent should require their children to watch it.

And if you text, watch it even if you don’t “usually” text while driving. Any distraction that takes your eyes off the road has the potential to kill you or another person. Is the risk worth it to get that message typed immediately?

After you watch the video, be sure to scroll down and read the rest of the post for a text challenge.

After watching this video, I wondered what I could do, besides putting it in my blog and sending it to family and friends. Then it hit me. Start a campaign to get people who text to promise not to text while driving. I was about to start one on this post when I went back to the CoolestOne.com and discovered they had created the following pledges:

I pledge I will not text while I am driving.

I pledge I will not text while driving and will use only hands free calling if I need to speak on the phone while I am driving.

I pledge I will not text or use my phone while I am driving. If I need to use my phone, I will pull off the road to a safe location.

I wonder if the pledge might catch on more quickly if it were written in “text” language. I frankly don’t know what that would look like since I don’t text. But send me your contributions of any of the pledge statements above in the shortened words and phrases you would use if you were to type it on a cell phone.

Then send that text — when you are not driving — to everyone on your contact list. See how many of them will be willing to take the pledge with you.

I will post all contributions on this blog once a week for three weeks so more people can see it.

Since it takes two to have a text conversation, here is one more suggestion. Pledge not to engage in texting or a cell phone conversation with someone who doesn’t have a hands free phone if you know the intended recipient is behind the wheel. The other person may not want you to stop the conversation, but at least you won’t be responsible for encouraging him or her to drive distracted.

How much better to later see your friend healthy and in person than laid out on a cold slab or reduced to ashes in a jar.

Trust me. I know of what I speak.

P.S. I don’t insist that others be politically correct, but I did wonder why all of the young people who were shown in the video were white. Surely people of color also text while driving and many of them have been killed as well. Perhaps none of those families were willing to be photographed. It’s just something I tend to notice since I live in an interracial area and seeing people of all one color always strikes me as unusual. It doesn’t distract from the power of the video; I just think it would be more impactful for more people if there were teens of other races.

Would You Jump Off a Building With a Friend?

September 23, 2010

How far will you follow a friend?

Before I get into today’s topic, I thought I’d share my latest word misinterpretation, which happened the same day I uploaded my last post. We stopped for dinner on the way to a wedding of our nephew in Yosemite and parked behind a car with a dealer license plate of “Sturgeon & Beck.” I initially thought it said “Surgeon in Back,” as in “Baby on Board.”

I think I’ll call these “whoops words.” What are yours?

Anyway, onto some questions for you that grew out of my introduction to the new sport of Parkour from a video sent to me by my brother. It reminded me of those occasions in my childhood when I wanted to do some popular activity that our parents thought was unwise. The consistent response was, “If your friend wanted to jump off a roof, would you do it?” Well, it turns out that an increasing number of people (young, you will notice) do follow their friends off a roof. Watch this video and then answer the questions below.

Ask Yourself These Questions:

How far will I go to follow a friend?

What are my limits?

What is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done because I followed someone else’s advice?

What is the smartest thing I’ve done because I did follow someone else’s advice?

Incidentally, when my brother sent the video, he said, essentially, that he wouldn’t follow a friend through these gymnastics for two reasons. First, his wife wouldn’t let him. Second, he wasn’t crazy. I would add a third. He’s a lot older and less limber than these guys are.

Dating Before and After Marriage

July 2, 2010

Discover the importance and pleasure of dating, whether or not you are already married.

Tonight is our date night. Every Friday for more than twenty years, out of fifty, my husband and I have made it a habit to go out to dinner and then on a walk. Sometimes the walk comes first, but it is always our “date” night.

When we first started this, we made it a habit to walk around the city hall and downtown area of every town in Los Angeles County, home to 88 incorporated cities and many unincorporated areas (like the place where we live). We had to miss gated communities that won’t let in just anybody (even though I wrote and asked whether they would make an exception for upstanding citizens like ourselves).

In this fashion we have walked all the way from our house in Altadena, which is up against the San Gabriel Mountains north of Pasadena (the Tournament of Roses city), to the Queen Mary in Long Beach. We have also walked across Los Angeles County from Claremont in the east to Zuma Beach in the west. We would take this in sections, of course, driving to where we ended the last week and continuing on our route.

I think we have probably walked over more of the county of 9,848,011 residents (2009) than most people have. That doesn’t make us better than those who haven’t, of course, but it has given us a perspective that makes us appreciate the rich diversity of the area in which we live. This includes poor and rich neighborhoods alike, and I can tell you that the poor ones were not as scary for our date as Beverly Hills. There we were trying to walk on Sunset, where there are no sidewalks, and even though we stayed far to the edge of the road, the cars were going very fast. Guess they don’t like pedestrians.

These days, since our bodies aren’t as strong as they used to be, we don’t walk as far. We also don’t go so far from home. But the commitment to the routine encourages us to spend time together much like couples do when they are dating.

Incidentally, the picture is of me and my husband in the old part of the city of Quito, Ecuador. Now that is a city with character! You may have seen the video I made of our recent trip there.

If you are married, I heartily encourage you to set aside a night, or day, that you consider your “date” commitment. And it won’t kill you to turn off the Blackberry and cell phone, or you will only be half there with your partner, and get only half the benefit from your time together.

What if you aren’t married and you think a date night sounds interesting but your relationship has ended, you are divorced, and your spouse has died? Where does a date night fit in your plans? Well, first of all, you need to ask yourself some questions to help you “get ready” to date again.

Fortunately, my friend Michelle Vasquez, who specializes in helping people find love after just those kinds of things have happened, is planning a tele-class on July 6 that will cover these questions:

What is on your mind about dating?
Are you ready to start dating again?
Do you wonder about online dating?
Do you think you are ready? (after a breakup? after divorce? after widowhood?)
Do you wonder if the rules have changed since you last dated?

Whatever your burning question is, you can pick Michelle’s brain during this call. Click here to get the sign up information: http://askmichelleanything.com/

I am so glad I don’t need her advice on dating. At this stage of life I’m not sure that I would want to start over again. But marriage has been very good to me and I recommend it to those who are in love.

Are You and Your Partner Like Chalk and Cheese?

June 25, 2010

Are you and your partner happy even though you are as dissimilar as chalk and cheese, or are you happy because you are very much alike?

About a week ago my brother shared a post called Chalk and Cheese from the Life With the Campbells blog, saying it reminded him of me and my husband. Curious, I checked it out and decided Molly Campbell definitely has a way with words; she is the second-place winner in the 2010 Erma Bombeck writer’s competition. Her description of the relationship between her and her husband is like that of my marriage, except that in our case the roles are reversed.

After reading the post, I decided to see whether she had made up the phrase “chalk and cheese” or whether it was an idiom others would understand. So I visited faithful Google again and found in The Phrase Finder that the idiom comes from England and describes two things or people that are very different and have nothing in common, yet are used together. Think about “hocus-pocus, the bee’s knees, riff-raff, etc.” There doesn’t seem to be much purpose in the rhyming or connection of these words expect that they go together in a fun sort of way.

Certainly you wouldn’t confuse chalk and cheese, just as you wouldn’t confuse me with my husband, even beyond the physical characteristics. This is what I wrote in a comment on Molly’s post in describing how the roles in our marriage are like the roles in her marriage except that the roles are reversed:

He’s an engineer and I couldn’t understand what he does if my life depended on it. I’m a therapist with a spiritual bent and have written three books, none of which he’s read (says he’s not a reader, which is true, but couldn’t he at least read his wife’s?).

When something happens, he takes his sweet time to decide what he feels about it. I immediately know what I feel in a situation. (In psychology this is called being a slow-responder and fast-responder). However, after fifty years, some of his traits have rubbed off on me and I guess some of mine on his.

What two words would describe your relationship with someone with whom you are connected in some way — partner, spouse, friend, child, neighbor, parent, sibling, etc. — that express similarities or dissimilarities?

Would you choose common words like “cat and dog,” which conjures up an image of fairly constant fighting? Or would it be “soft and softer?” There are all kinds of words and phrases that describe relationships. How would you describe yours?

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Don’t Drop Manners at the Door

May 24, 2010

Learn how to practice the same manners of appreciation and interest in others that you use in your work when you come home at night and meet your mate and children.

Recently I met Michele Vasquez at a gathering of a group called Amazing Woman and we shared business cards. I wondered what she did as a “relationship coach” and checked into her blog, True Love Relationship Coaching, subtitled “Create Passion That Lasts a Lifetime.”

I found that she offers practical advice for people who want to improve their relationships and she has given me permission to use some of her material on this blog.

Incidentally, when I tried to find the website of the Amazing Woman group, the first result in Google was a YouTube video of a truly amazing woman who has no arms. She does almost everything we “normal” people do and is raising a son by using her feet as hands and arms. Watching her change her baby with her feet puts to shame people who complain about petty annoyances and inconveniences.

Here is a recent blog by Michele Vasquez called “Say the Magic Words.” I have retitled it because in my comment to her I wrote, “I am always amazed how, when people open their front door and return home from a day at the office, they forget to continue the good manners they had been using all day at work.”

Try this out. The next time you  put your hand on the door knob and step over the threshold to your home, consciously remind yourself that you will continue being as mannerly and kind as you were at work. You may even want to place a note on the door as a reminder. It could say, “Are you forgetting something?”

Here now is Michele’s blog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How important are good manners in a relationship? I submit to you that manners are extremely important and can make or break a relationship. You do not have to act like the characters from Pride and Prejudice to have good manners, though that could be fun! No, simple things, like saying the “magic words” can make a world of difference in the quality of your connection.

Whether you have been married for a few months or a few decades, you can appreciate how good manners impact your relationship. Take a look at these two examples of good manners and judge for yourself whether they enhance your relationship:

Remembering to say the magic words

If you heard the question, “What is the magic word?” when you growing up, as I did, you learned quickly to say “Please” and “Thank you” when you made a request or were given something. If you experienced this, you probably say these words automatically now. You may be thinking, “But they are just words!” Yes, they are. They are called magic words because they are powerful.

People crave appreciation and acknowledgment for their deeds. These powerful words give them what they need. The end result? A better connection in a relationship. Just from these two magic words! Another side effect of employing these two phrases is that you create goodwill in your relationship. If you have not done so already, decide to make these phrases a lifelong part of your vocabulary.

Treating your partner as if you just met.

You know the expression, “Familiarity breeds contempt”? As you become more comfortable with your partner, you tend to allow your own frustrations to filter through. You take your bad moods out on your partner, whether it is deserved or not. You take each other for granted. These are examples of how familiarity can lead to contempt, or at the very least to bad manners.

Do not fall into this trap. Yes, it takes a bit of effort to be polite to your partner, but why would you want to treat your partner badly? Admit it. Even when you are nursing a bad mood, you still manage to treat strangers kindly. So why not do the same thing with the one you love the most?

What are the benefits of good manners in your relationship? Harmony, better connection, less conflict, more smiles and laughter, and so on. While it is not possible to always be on your best behavior, you can do this with a small amount of effort. Is it worth it? Ask any couple who has been successfully married for a decade or more. They will tell you that good manners are essential to keeping them happily together. [*]

Michele offers you a free report on the Seven Deadly Habits and how they can destroy your relationship. Learn what you can do differently so you can create a more loving marriage.

* Now that I’ve been married fifty years, I can vouch for the truth of that statement.