My Moon in Luxor

October 24, 2008

Playing the Moon Game wins me a big prize in Luxor.

Impressions of Egypt Number 6

In keeping with the blog’s theme of “Enrich Your Life, Enrich Your Relationships,” this is one of several posts about a trip we took in December 2007, to Egypt. It definitely enriched my life and expanded my understanding of that country, and of the many challenges they face as they evolve into a different kind of country than the one I visited. — Note added in 2011 after the spring revolution

This entry could also be filed as one of my “visual viewpoints” you may have seen in earlier posts.

I’ve taken trips where I’ve written down lots of information so I could identify the pictures I took. However, there was so much to absorb in Egypt that I just decided to experience being there, and count on having a few brochures I could read if I wished. However, with a limited understanding of the history of Egypt, it was easy to get confused as to which place we were visiting. I believe this is a temple in Luxor, but don’t quote me on that.

All the people on our tour agreed that it was hard to distinguish one Pharaohs’ palace from another. Did this place honor Ramses II or Ramses III? Chances are that it was Ramses II because he lived into his nineties, which gave him more time to have monuments built for him.

I liked the way in which our tour took in many of the monuments and antiquities first and then ended with the National Museum or Museum of Antiquities in Cairo. This is a national treasure with 120,000 objects, including the mummies of Egyptian pharaohs, sarcophagi, sculptures, furniture, etc. Best of all, it contains treasures from Tutankhamen’s tomb. We marveled at the skill and beauty of the objects buried with the pharaohs.

The reason this picture is titled “My Moon In Luxor” is because I “got” the moon that night. And if you don’t know what that means or how my husband and I have played the moon game for years, see It’s My Blue Moon.

Almost a Romantic Afternoon in New Zealand

October 6, 2008

Discover the importance and pleasure of dating, whether or not you are already married.

Visual Viewpoint: An Inviting Boat, But No One to Rent It From

This entry could also be filed as one of my “visual viewpoints” you may have seen in earlier posts.

It’s amazing how easily one forgets where one sees something on a vacation when the trip was a month long and almost two years ago. My husband says this picture was taken in Queenstown and I am quite sure it was Christ Church, New Zealand. If you know, please tell me, since I could also be wrong.

But we are in agreement that on this cool Sunday (the coolest summer they have had for years, according to the locals) we were walking around town and came across this delightful scene. A boat welcomed us to take a romantic ride down the river and through the town. But where was the owner? It was obviously designed for tourists. He (or she) must have been on a break or left work early that day.

To say it was “almost” romantic shouldn’t be taken to mean that the trip to this amazingly beautiful country wasn’t romantic in itself. It’s just that it would have been even more exciting had we been able to add a rowboat to the list of all the vehicles on which we road during that trip.

Toward the end of the trip we wrote a list of more than thirty, possibly closer to forty. If I can find the list we kept as we went along (from ferry, jet, and elevators to jet boat, cable car and private plane), I may write about them for this blog. Too busy to find it today, but some time in the future I just might find it and see if you can send me a longer list. Not for bragging rights. Just for the pleasure of seeing how many different vehicles for getting from one place to another you have been able to take advantage of different on one trip.

My Masai Mara Moon

September 28, 2008

Imagine watching the moon rise over the Masai Mara plain.

Visual Viewpoint: A Full Moon Over the Masai Mara Plain

This entry could also be filed as one of my “visual viewpoints” you may have seen in earlier posts.

We were sitting on the patio looking over the Masai Mara Plain (which is called the Serengeti Plain in Tanzania to the south). Evening was falling and we were about to eat dinner (another of the fabulous meals served on the safari) when I couldn’t resist taking this picture. And if you have read my posts A Sierra Rorschach Test or It’s My Blue Moon, you’ll know why I am pleased to have claimed this moon as mine during our trip to Kenya in 2007.

Love is Profound Interest

February 14, 2008

How would you define love?

“Love is profound interest”

Isn’t that a great statement?

I read that in an article that came with a request for me to review a book called Essence of Tantric Sexuality by Mark Michaels (Swami Umeshanand Saraswati) and Patricia Johnson (Devi Veenanand). Though I’ve heard about Indian Tantric practices, I didn’t know much about them. The authors, who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya Yoga together since 1999, note that, “Although the number of Tantric texts that deal directly with sexual activity is quite small, most Westerners associate Tantra with love, sex, and relationships. While Western ideas about Tantra are thus somewhat misguided, if you can bring a Tantric sensibility to love and relationship, your love life will be richer and more fulfilling.”

If you have read my blog on Soulmates and Solemates, you can see that I liked what they said about love, although I don’t think one needs to follow Tantric practices to have intimacy with your partner. Here are a few quotes from the article:

“Celebrating Valentine’s Day is controversial in 21st-century India. This is due, in part, to the rise of Hindu fundamentalism and objections to the holiday’s Christian origins. More importantly, conservative Indians view Western ideas about romantic love as alien and immoral. Arranged marriages are still very much the norm, even as India becomes a technological superpower, and in arranged marriages, love is a fringe benefit, not a necessity.

… Tantric love involves focused attention, awareness and reverence for the other.

By contrast, the contemporary romantic model treats love as either superficial and fleeting or full of drama, pain, and suffering, while insisting that it is the basis for any good relationship. The romance industry would have us believe that the only valid form of love is the kind that leaves us light-headed and swooning or that we must seek completion in another, that a single soul-mate is out there in the world and that once we find that special someone, everything will be all right. This can not only set people up for disappointment and an endless search for the “one,” it can also lead to the belief that the intensity of early infatuation is the only kind of romantic passion worth having. In reality, this intensity is fleeting; our biology guarantees that it will pass after three to six months.

… The Tantric approach is radically different, and the ancient tradition of spiritual partnership remains relevant today. In this model: “The relationship between partners is one of mutual aspiration, effort, and assistance. The two are equals, with neither one regarding the other as inferior or as an object to be manipulated for selfish purposes.”

Do You Have a Toxic Secret?

February 11, 2008

Explore when a secret between a couple is necessary and when it becomes toxic.

Deciding when to share a secret, and when not to, can be confusing for both couples and friends who aren’t sure what telling a secret will mean to the relationship. So two days before Valentine’s Day might be a good time to look at one of the ways we try to protect our relationships by withholding information we don’t think the other person would be able to accept or understand.

Sometimes we do that out of a desire to not hurt the other person. Other times, we don’t share a secret because we feel guilty, foolish, or stupid. Better the other person not know so we won’t have to deal with our guilt and our foolishness. When to tell or not tell?

Some of the best advice on the topic comes from two of my favorite relationship writers, a doctor and nurse couple who are specialists in helping couples heal their marriages and partnerships. Barry and Joyce Vissell are authors of the books you see on this page [click on a cover and you’ll go to Amazon.com] and they write the Shared Heart Foundation newsletter and lead couples workshops throughout the year and in various locations.

In their January, 2008, issue they wrote “Toxic Secrets” that I added to the relationship section of Support4Change under the title Secrets: Toxic or Healthy?.

In discussing when secrets are good or bad for a relationship, the Vissells write:

“Rule of thumb: healthy secrets bring you closer to your loved ones, unhealthy secrets create barriers. Healthy secrets are surprises that bring more love to both you and your loved ones. Unhealthy secrets hide a part of your heart, disguise your vulnerability which denies a gift to your loved one, or prevents your loved one from supporting you. Healthy secrets build relationships, unhealthy secrets destroy relationships.”

They then give a powerful example of a man who “hated Christmas” and just wished it would be over. His wife, however, loved Christmas and his attitude put such a strain on their relationship that the couple came to the Vissells for help. With gentleness they gave him the courage to finally tell the story that was central to his wish to get through the holidays quickly. It seems that his pain stemmed from a day twenty years before in Vietnam when he witnessed the brutal killing of a civilian by an officer. Unable to stop the atrocity at the time and told there was nothing he could do about it later, he buried the incident in his heart all these years. However, with the help of the Vissells, he told his story and was released from a secret that was very toxic indeed.

If you have secrets that are keeping you from having a healthy and strong relationship, I recommend you read their article on toxic secrets. There you will also learn how to get in touch with them and possibly join one of the couples workshops.

The questions I pose today encourage you to explore whether you allow toxic secrets to keep you from building a deeper level of love and connection in your life.

I have decided that from now on (usually, anyway) when I suggest questions you can ask yourself, I will pose them in the first person. That is because I want to be consistent with the philosophy I present in the introduction to Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life. There I note that questions we pose to ourselves are more potent than those we are asked by others because “all change comes only from a personal engagement in the process of change. You don’t change because you read about or watch people change their lives. You have to find a way to make a shift within yourself for change to occur in your life.”

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS THAT CAN STRENGTHEN FRIENDSHIP AND RELATIONSHIPS

Is there a secret I keep because I am afraid someone will think less well of me? What makes me feel the other person would reject me?

Is there something so terrible in my past that I have been reluctant to share it with anyone? Why?

What do I think will happen if my loved one or friend discovers something about me that I’m trying to hide?

Is there a secret I shared that caused another person to leave me or think less of me? Could that have been because I told the story poorly, or was the other person not capable of listening to anything that did not support his or her image of what our relationship should be?

Has anyone told me a secret that proved fatal in our relationship because I could not know that fact and still accept that person? Why?