Reconciliation Close to Home

July 18, 2011

Do we criticize those on the global stage for not setting aside their differences and making peace when we, ourselves, remain separated from people with whom we share much more than they do?

Have you ever wondered what a space alien would think if he were to observe our world with a highly sensitive telescope and listening device? Don’t you think he would be amazed to find that people—earthlings who look so much alike on the outside, whose bodies function with the same physical organs on the inside, and who all need love, compassion and understanding—are willing to kill one another simply because their philosophies and opinions differ?

Strange, isn’t it? We are engaged in a dangerous and deadly battle to eliminate other people because they see the world in a different way. But of course, it’s not me that’s creating all that commotion, it’s the other guy.

But for right now, today, I want to take our focus on how to solve the seemingly intractable crises in the Persian Gulf and the Middle East. It is obviously difficult to create understanding and peace if you live in a different country from a person with whom you’ve become an enemy, if you have had vastly different educational systems, and if you have not had an opportunity to experience the same things.

So let’s look at conflicts closer to home. There is sure to be at least one person at work, in your neighborhood, or in your family with whom you are physically or emotionally estranged because you see the world very differently. But if we are to expect to find peace with people in other countries, but aren’t willing or able to reach across a much smaller divide of broken friendships and family disagreements, what chance does the world have?

So I would like to suggest that there is probably at least one person with whom you are estranged and who would be good to have back in your life. I would also like to suggest that you don’t have to wait for the other person to agree with you before you can be reconciled. Why not take a small step to world peace this week by practicing reconciliation with just one person near you?

Is there someone with whom you would like to reconcile? Is there someone with whom it is important that you reconcile if you are to create greater peace in the world?

If you know the person with whom you need to reconcile, what steps are you willing to take to make that possible?

If you need some ideas on forgiveness before you feel you can be ready for reconciliation, try reading the following articles on Support4Change:

It’s Never Too Late to Forgive
Asking for Forgiveness
Forgiving Yourself and Others

A Nest That Provided Peace and Protection

July 13, 2011

Learn how safety and peace are not always found where we think they will be.

Joyce and Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world’s top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They have given me permission to reprint an article from their July 3, 2011, Shared Heart Foundation newsletter called “A Nest of Peace.”

I have chosen to share it because it beautifully expresses the way in which we can all create peace and serenity in places where they are most needed.

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Finding peace in your lives and relationships, especially if you feel stressed with financial, health, or relationship challenges, can sometimes seem almost impossible. And yet finding that peace is essential.

There is a story of a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried, and the king finally chose two of the best. From these two, he had to choose one to receive the prize. The first picture was of a perfectly calm lake, with majestic mountains around it. The sky was pure blue with soft fluffy clouds. All who saw that picture thought that surely it would win the prize. It appeared to be the essence of peace.

The second picture was very different. It also held a lake, but the wind was creating high waves. The mountains around the lake were bare and rugged. Above was a turbulent sky with rain and lightning. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a raging waterfall. This painting did not look peaceful at all.

But when the king looked closer, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush, a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water and noise, sat the mother bird on her nest….in perfect peace.

Which picture won the prize? The king chose the second picture. “Because,” explained the king, “peace does not mean the absence of noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.”

When we do couples retreats, we always challenge the couples to create in their lives 10 minutes to connect in a peaceful, spiritual and loving way with one another. There are many different ways to do this. Barry and I say a prayer of gratitude and trust each morning while we hold hands. Saying this prayer together allows us to connect in our hearts and feel our spiritual connection with each other. We create our own nest of peace and safety to which we can return again and again when life challenges us.

Nineteen years ago, we were experiencing a great financial challenge. We had lived the first twenty-three years of our married life without financial stress. We lived in very inexpensive rental homes, drove old cars, and bought our clothes and our children’s clothes from second-hand stores. We kept cash on hand and only bought something if we had the cash for it. We didn’t have a credit card and had never been in debt. All that changed in 1989 when the earthquake destroyed our small rental home. We had been paying only $270/month rent and suddenly were forced out into the real world of high rents.

We decided to follow our dream and were able to purchase 16 acres right next to the rental home at a very good price. We were very naïve about mortgages and decided at the same time to build the house of our dreams, a home in which we could raise our three children and, at the same time, hold some of our workshops. Then we got the first mortgage bill and realized how very high it was. How could we ever come up with so much money each month? Our children were happy to have a home once again, after camping for six months in order to save money. We did not want to leave our new home, but the mortgage was so high that we wondered if we might go into foreclosure before we even had a chance to really live there. We were scared and started taking it out on each other. The picture of the turbulent sky and waves on the lake might describe our situation. Each day got harder and harder for us.

Finally we realized we must create a place of peace for this challenge and it was at that point that we began saying a prayer every single day. We sat for ten minutes each day and asked for help and guidance from a loving power greater than our own minds. Our financial situation did not immediately change, but these ten minutes of peace every day brought a trust into our lives that calmed the turbulence. Every month we somehow made that payment, sometimes by just a few dollars. When we would pray together it felt as if we were sitting in that nest of peace behind the rushing waterfall. We still return to that nest day after day as other challenges and situations come into our lives.

I feel very grateful for this “nest” and the peace that comes from sitting in it each day. For the people who have taken us up on our “ten minute challenge,” their lives change in a special way. We will forever encourage couples and singles to create this nest of peace.

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NOTE: The Vissell’s most recent book, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family, is a heart warming story that should be read by anyone who fears dying.

Dance At Your Own Pace

July 8, 2011

Do you listen to the beat of your own drum or feel you have to keep up with the activities of others?

What did you do on July 4th? Did you have a big event with lots of friends, food and fireworks? Or did you spend it pretty much with yourself — as I mostly did — creating a blog post in your home office, taking breaks by reading a chapter of an enjoyable book, watering plants on your deck, and not feeling compelled to spend time with anyone else?

Of course, my husband was here for part of the day, but he went a hike I could not have kept up with, and the rest of the time he was napping or  playing computer games.

I was thinking of this when I came across a poem apparently written by a little girl with cancer in which she (or he) expresses the idea that you can miss an awfully lot of life if you aren’t paying attention to the little things, like “rain slapping on the ground or watching a butterfly’s flight.” Life is over far too soon.

But I would add that only you know whether you are going too fast or too slow.  Only you know whether a holiday spent very peaceably by yourself is just what you need, or whether you should push yourself to attend a picnic with lots of people you don’t know. Both have their own rewards.

You have often heard about someone “marching to the beat of his own drum.” Well, I think that we all have a drum with a rhythm just for us. If we pay attention and listen to the beat, we will know whether we need to slow down or speed up.

Some people prefer a jitterbug and others a waltz. Whatever dance you choose, make certain you will enjoy doing it.

As you read this poem, which is called Slow Dance, notice whether it speaks to you.

Have you ever watched kids
on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain
slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down
Don’t dance so fast
Time is short
The music won’t last

Do you run through each day on the fly
When you ask “How are you?”
do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,
do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
running through your head?

You’d better slow down
Don’t dance so fast
Time is short
The music won’t last

Ever told your child,
We’ll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
to call and say “Hi”?

You’d better slow down
Don’t dance so fast
Time is short
The music won’t last

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift,
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

How does this poem resonate with you?

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Where is Your Circle of Caring?

June 27 2011

The popular phrase, “What goes around comes around,” is expressed in this inspiring story of a teenager and a teacher.

Ideas Worth Sharing

For me, the Internet is an absolutely fascinating resource for information and inspiration. And I have found that one of the greatest resources (outside of Wikipedia) is TED (Technology Entertainment and Design). This is a global set of conferences formed to disseminate “ideas worth spreading” where you can learn about a wide range of subjects that stretch the mind and touch the heart.

I like them so much that when I have limited time to pull together ideas for a post, or limited brain cells, I’ve decided to go to the TED website for inspiration. I will call these, and others that come along, “Ideas Worth Sharing.”

In any case, when I went there this morning I discovered a short video called A Circle of Caring.

It was given by Jok Church, who, according to Universal Uclick, receives more mail from children than anyone except Santa Claus. His comic strip Beakman & Jax was the inspiration for the television show Beakman’s World. And somehow during his career Church helped create a museum exhibit that has toured science centers and museums continually since 1998.

I knew nothing about him until a year ago when he presented a program called “Beckman on the Brain” at Caltech and came on stage wearing a wig and a lab coat. He had lots of unusual ways to show how the brain worked and was much appreciated by a large number of children and their enthusiastic parents.

This short TED video tells of how a teacher’s kindness was repaid years later. After the video, please consider the questions at the end of the post.

Questions for you today:

What has someone done for you sometime in the past that you were able to repay either for that person, or for someone else?

What did you do for someone else that they repaid you in a similar way, or responded in kind to someone else?

Happiness and Acceptance on a Very Warm Day

June 25, 2011

What do you have a hard time accepting today?

This week we have gone from June-gloom to real Southern California summer, though not as hot as it will be later. And I am sitting here in my office determined to write a post, but the bed is inviting me to take a nap so I’ll be ready for the opening night of “Twist” at the Pasadena Playhouse this evening — including Hors d’œuvres.

So to keep it short, I have decided to give you a quotation from Ken Keyes, Jr., a personal growth author and lecturer, quoted in Raising Brandon: Creating a Path to Independence for Your Adult “Kid” with Autism & Special Needs, a book I mentioned in a recent post.

Happiness is experienced when life gives you what you are willing to accept.

This is similar to a quotation by Eckhart Tolle (also from the book):

Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.

How much are you willing to accept that you would rather not?

Today I am accepting this short — and not particularly great — post because I want to get that nap even though my perfectionist is trying to make me stay here and continue working.

I am ignoring her. My recovering perfectionist applauds. I am keeping to my goal of writing three posts a week AND my goal to not feel I have to have every one the best I can possibly make it.