Viewing Time as an Ocean

September 5, 2011

Wouldn’t floating in the ocean feel more relaxing than rushing to catch a train?

This year has been filled with more trips than I usually take (five so far) and with each one I try to follow the standard I set back on March 14 in Maintaining Sanity While Preparing for a Trip. Haven’t always done that as well as I would like, but that’s definitely my plan this week as I get ready for two weeks in Europe starting next Wednesday.

As I approach my list of  “wouldn’t it be nice if I could also ______ before I leave, ” I am thinking of a recent blog by David Spero called The Ocean of Time. In it he considers the very nature of time itself as a way to counter our tendency to squeeze more plans into less time than we have to do them.

First, he reminds us that we usually think of time as a “rushing river, or a speeding train,” perhaps the “bullet train that we have to chase and catch or risk being left behind, or run over.  Then the next day we will have to chase the train down and catch it again.”

He then reminds us that a farmer watches the seasons go by and recognizes that as the seasons change, he will have a change to do something next year. Finally, David suggests that we might change our idea of time if we “imagine time as a lake, or a still sea:

“And you can float on it, you can splash around in it…  You have centuries of time to the right of you, and centuries of time on your left.  And ages of time behind you, that got you to where you are, and ages of time in front of you.

“You still have things to do.  But now you have all the time you could ever want, or ever need, or ever use.  An ocean of time, spreading out in all directions to eternity.  No way to be left behind, no way to be left out, no time limits to expire…it goes on forever.”

Of course, he points out, “if you spend your whole life in the ocean of time, you will miss some appointments.  But if you spend your whole life on the bullet train of time, you get to the end far too fast, and you will miss most of the scenery along the way.”

I am trying to follow his advice and first do what must be done (like packing, which I will begin today). Then whatever time is left may or may not include writing “evergreen” posts for while I am gone.

Incidentally, I learned the term evergreen this week in a column by Meghan Daum of the Los Angeles Times. She said that “evergreen is journalist lingo for a topic that, like its namesake, is always in season (or, at least, one that won’t go stale immediately).”

Would like to find time to do a number of posts so you have material to read on the blog, but if I don’t, I hope you enjoy what you find here. And if this is my only post for September, just remember that I am floating in the ocean of time and enjoying myself immensely.

Would You Hug This Man?

August 17, 2011

How many things do you NOT do, even though they sound pleasant enough, because you might be embarrassed?

Vacation Update:

If you read the August 10 post, you will know that I am on a two-week trip with our grandson by car, plane and sailboat.

We are still learning to sail in Boothbay Harbor, Maine. Hope there is no rain but moderate wind.

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One of my favorite daily emails comes from Mel’s Video of the Day. I generally don’t pass  them on because usually they’re simple pleasures that give me a chuckle before I turn to work and I don’t know whether they would be of interest to my writers.

However, while I’ve previously seen this video that arrived in my mailbox recently — and you may have seen it as well, since lots of people have watched it — I want to share it so I can ask you a question:

When I tried to insert the video into the blog instead of just linking to it, I went directly to YouTube and found many similar videos, like this one. Since it is done in HD, you may want to go to YouTube and see it there, where it seems it plays better. Anyway, here it is:

If you want to see others encourage people to hug them, go to YouTube and put “free hugs” in the search field and you’ll find there are free hug campaigns in Amsterdam, Scotland, Korea, Italy, etc. You can also see a video of two men with signs competing with each other, offering “Free Hugs” and “Hugs for $2.”

I  like to hug people and I like to think I would be willing to hug this man. But would I really? I wonder whether I would pass him by; and it wouldn’t be until later that I would wish I have been more forward and risked appearing foolish and embarrassing myself. How about you?

Singing the Song of a Child

August 15, 2011

Discover an African tradition that builds a connection between a child and the community through a special song.

Vacation Update:

If you read the August 10 post, you will know that I am on a two-week trip with our grandson by car, plane and sailboat.

Yesterday we arrived in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, and today we’re learning the ropes of sailing. I hope our grandson makes friends with one or more of the other children. When we brought another grandson to this same program several years ago, he found a friend whose interests perfectly fit our grandson. But if he doesn’t make a friend, we’ll just play a few more card games in the evening.

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A NEW BLOG CATEGORY

Every once-in-while I decide to create a new category of articles, such as Quotations Worth Considering, Visual Viewpoints, Step-into-Pictures. Then on July 15 of this year I began a series of Questions Worth Asking Yourself.

Now I am starting another, called “Fond Farewell Articles.”

You see, I am changing the format of Support4Change from Dreamweaver to Joomla. If you don’t know what that means, it is simply that now (in a few weeks) the site will be dynamic rather than static. Consequently, instead of having each page uploaded as a complete unit, each page will be created fresh, sort of like the homepage of MSNBC.com where pictures can be changed without the URL needing to change.

Deleting material that doesn’t fit in new format

That may be more than you want to know, but I am telling you that in the process of changing to a new format,  I am eliminating a lot of articles that no longer fit the new arrangement. Some of these articles originated in the first website I created, CancerOnline, a nonprofit for cancer patients and their families. Then I expanded the material to meet a broader audience and created Learning Place Online, which had 12 sections.

Finally, about ten years ago, I found that too much to manage and I separated those articles into Support4Change with six sections and Childhood Affirmations for parents.

Now, I am narrowing the material even more into three major sections: Strengthen Relationships, Understand Yourself, and Find Inspiration. And of course, there will also be this blog. (Childhood Affirmations will get its makeover later.)

Do you feel the hand of a perfectionist in the creation of these large websites that cover too much material for me to manage? And might you also see the encouragement of a recovering perfectionist in narrowing the content to fewer topics?

Fond farewell to articles that will no longer be available on the site

In any case, I am giving a fond farewell to articles that will no longer be available on the website by letting them have a last appearance on the blog. Actually, some of these articles will be found for a short period of time on the sites until I have made a complete change-over. But basically, I want to acknowledge their importance and to thank the authors if they were written by someone other than me.

The articles will be available in the archives of the blog

You can still see some of the “discarded” articles in the blog by using the search function. And when the site is completely revamped, readers of the blog will be the first to know.

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 FOND FAREWELL ARTICLE ONE

Today I wish a fond farewell to a poem written anonymously that makes me wonder whether the world might be a far different place if everyone had a special song written only for him or her. We would each be honored in our conception and in our lives as a whole.

If you know of someone who might be a parent one day, perhaps you could share this with him or her. And if they are newly minted parents, there is still something here to inspire them in their parenting.

The Song of a Child

There is a tribe in East Africa
for whom the birthday of a child
is not counted from the day of its physical birth
nor even the day of conception.

For this tribe,
the birthday is the first time the child
is a thought in its mother’s mind.

Aware of her intention to conceive a child with a particular father,
the mother goes off to sit alone under a tree.

There she sits and listens
until she can hear the song of the child she hopes to conceive.

Once she has heard it,
she returns to her village
and teaches it to the father
so that they can sing it together as they make love,
inviting the child to join them.

After the child is conceived,
she sings to the baby in her womb,
and she teaches the song
to the old women and midwives of the village,
so that throughout the labor
and the miraculous moment of birth itself,
the child is greeted with its song.

After the birth,
all the villagers learn the song of their new member
and later sing it to the child when it falls or hurts itself.

It is sung at times of triumph,
or in rituals and initiations.

This song becomes a part of the marriage ceremony
when the child is grown.

And at the end of life
his or her loved ones
will gather around the deathbed
and sing this song
for the last time.

Anonymous

Reconciliation Close to Home

July 18, 2011

Do we criticize those on the global stage for not setting aside their differences and making peace when we, ourselves, remain separated from people with whom we share much more than they do?

Have you ever wondered what a space alien would think if he were to observe our world with a highly sensitive telescope and listening device? Don’t you think he would be amazed to find that people—earthlings who look so much alike on the outside, whose bodies function with the same physical organs on the inside, and who all need love, compassion and understanding—are willing to kill one another simply because their philosophies and opinions differ?

Strange, isn’t it? We are engaged in a dangerous and deadly battle to eliminate other people because they see the world in a different way. But of course, it’s not me that’s creating all that commotion, it’s the other guy.

But for right now, today, I want to take our focus on how to solve the seemingly intractable crises in the Persian Gulf and the Middle East. It is obviously difficult to create understanding and peace if you live in a different country from a person with whom you’ve become an enemy, if you have had vastly different educational systems, and if you have not had an opportunity to experience the same things.

So let’s look at conflicts closer to home. There is sure to be at least one person at work, in your neighborhood, or in your family with whom you are physically or emotionally estranged because you see the world very differently. But if we are to expect to find peace with people in other countries, but aren’t willing or able to reach across a much smaller divide of broken friendships and family disagreements, what chance does the world have?

So I would like to suggest that there is probably at least one person with whom you are estranged and who would be good to have back in your life. I would also like to suggest that you don’t have to wait for the other person to agree with you before you can be reconciled. Why not take a small step to world peace this week by practicing reconciliation with just one person near you?

Is there someone with whom you would like to reconcile? Is there someone with whom it is important that you reconcile if you are to create greater peace in the world?

If you know the person with whom you need to reconcile, what steps are you willing to take to make that possible?

If you need some ideas on forgiveness before you feel you can be ready for reconciliation, try reading the following articles on Support4Change:

It’s Never Too Late to Forgive
Asking for Forgiveness
A Story of Fear and Forgiveness

A Nest That Provided Peace and Protection

July 13, 2011

Learn how safety and peace are not always found where we think they will be.

Joyce and Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world’s top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They have given me permission to reprint an article from their July 3, 2011, Shared Heart Foundation newsletter called “A Nest of Peace.”

I have chosen to share it because it beautifully expresses the way in which we can all create peace and serenity in places where they are most needed.

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Finding peace in your lives and relationships, especially if you feel stressed with financial, health, or relationship challenges, can sometimes seem almost impossible. And yet finding that peace is essential.

There is a story of a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried, and the king finally chose two of the best. From these two, he had to choose one to receive the prize. The first picture was of a perfectly calm lake, with majestic mountains around it. The sky was pure blue with soft fluffy clouds. All who saw that picture thought that surely it would win the prize. It appeared to be the essence of peace.

The second picture was very different. It also held a lake, but the wind was creating high waves. The mountains around the lake were bare and rugged. Above was a turbulent sky with rain and lightning. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a raging waterfall. This painting did not look peaceful at all.

But when the king looked closer, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush, a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water and noise, sat the mother bird on her nest….in perfect peace.

Which picture won the prize? The king chose the second picture. “Because,” explained the king, “peace does not mean the absence of noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.”

When we do couples retreats, we always challenge the couples to create in their lives 10 minutes to connect in a peaceful, spiritual and loving way with one another. There are many different ways to do this. Barry and I say a prayer of gratitude and trust each morning while we hold hands. Saying this prayer together allows us to connect in our hearts and feel our spiritual connection with each other. We create our own nest of peace and safety to which we can return again and again when life challenges us.

Nineteen years ago, we were experiencing a great financial challenge. We had lived the first twenty-three years of our married life without financial stress. We lived in very inexpensive rental homes, drove old cars, and bought our clothes and our children’s clothes from second-hand stores. We kept cash on hand and only bought something if we had the cash for it. We didn’t have a credit card and had never been in debt. All that changed in 1989 when the earthquake destroyed our small rental home. We had been paying only $270/month rent and suddenly were forced out into the real world of high rents.

We decided to follow our dream and were able to purchase 16 acres right next to the rental home at a very good price. We were very naïve about mortgages and decided at the same time to build the house of our dreams, a home in which we could raise our three children and, at the same time, hold some of our workshops. Then we got the first mortgage bill and realized how very high it was. How could we ever come up with so much money each month? Our children were happy to have a home once again, after camping for six months in order to save money. We did not want to leave our new home, but the mortgage was so high that we wondered if we might go into foreclosure before we even had a chance to really live there. We were scared and started taking it out on each other. The picture of the turbulent sky and waves on the lake might describe our situation. Each day got harder and harder for us.

Finally we realized we must create a place of peace for this challenge and it was at that point that we began saying a prayer every single day. We sat for ten minutes each day and asked for help and guidance from a loving power greater than our own minds. Our financial situation did not immediately change, but these ten minutes of peace every day brought a trust into our lives that calmed the turbulence. Every month we somehow made that payment, sometimes by just a few dollars. When we would pray together it felt as if we were sitting in that nest of peace behind the rushing waterfall. We still return to that nest day after day as other challenges and situations come into our lives.

I feel very grateful for this “nest” and the peace that comes from sitting in it each day. For the people who have taken us up on our “ten minute challenge,” their lives change in a special way. We will forever encourage couples and singles to create this nest of peace.

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NOTE: The Vissell’s most recent book, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family, is a heart warming story that should be read by anyone who fears dying.