Make at Least Three People Smile Today

July 27, 2011

Need a pun to brighten the day?

A few years ago on Support4Change I had a Take-a-Break with a slide show of affirmations that included the statement:

Smile. It will keep the energy vampires away.

What a delightful thought.

Today I would like to give you something to smile about — a list of puns you can enjoy by yourself, or even better, share with someone. It will make both of you smile.

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it!

9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

10. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

12. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is just two-tired.

13. A will is a dead giveaway.

14. A backward poet writes inverse.

15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

16. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blownapart.

18. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

19. A calendar’s days are numbered.

20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

24. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

—Anonymous

 Send me your favorite puns. The “groanier” the better.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons