A Nest That Provided Peace and Protection

July 13, 2011

Learn how safety and peace are not always found where we think they will be.

Joyce and Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world’s top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They have given me permission to reprint an article from their July 3, 2011, Shared Heart Foundation newsletter called “A Nest of Peace.”

I have chosen to share it because it beautifully expresses the way in which we can all create peace and serenity in places where they are most needed.

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Finding peace in your lives and relationships, especially if you feel stressed with financial, health, or relationship challenges, can sometimes seem almost impossible. And yet finding that peace is essential.

There is a story of a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried, and the king finally chose two of the best. From these two, he had to choose one to receive the prize. The first picture was of a perfectly calm lake, with majestic mountains around it. The sky was pure blue with soft fluffy clouds. All who saw that picture thought that surely it would win the prize. It appeared to be the essence of peace.

The second picture was very different. It also held a lake, but the wind was creating high waves. The mountains around the lake were bare and rugged. Above was a turbulent sky with rain and lightning. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a raging waterfall. This painting did not look peaceful at all.

But when the king looked closer, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush, a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water and noise, sat the mother bird on her nest….in perfect peace.

Which picture won the prize? The king chose the second picture. “Because,” explained the king, “peace does not mean the absence of noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.”

When we do couples retreats, we always challenge the couples to create in their lives 10 minutes to connect in a peaceful, spiritual and loving way with one another. There are many different ways to do this. Barry and I say a prayer of gratitude and trust each morning while we hold hands. Saying this prayer together allows us to connect in our hearts and feel our spiritual connection with each other. We create our own nest of peace and safety to which we can return again and again when life challenges us.

Nineteen years ago, we were experiencing a great financial challenge. We had lived the first twenty-three years of our married life without financial stress. We lived in very inexpensive rental homes, drove old cars, and bought our clothes and our children’s clothes from second-hand stores. We kept cash on hand and only bought something if we had the cash for it. We didn’t have a credit card and had never been in debt. All that changed in 1989 when the earthquake destroyed our small rental home. We had been paying only $270/month rent and suddenly were forced out into the real world of high rents.

We decided to follow our dream and were able to purchase 16 acres right next to the rental home at a very good price. We were very naïve about mortgages and decided at the same time to build the house of our dreams, a home in which we could raise our three children and, at the same time, hold some of our workshops. Then we got the first mortgage bill and realized how very high it was. How could we ever come up with so much money each month? Our children were happy to have a home once again, after camping for six months in order to save money. We did not want to leave our new home, but the mortgage was so high that we wondered if we might go into foreclosure before we even had a chance to really live there. We were scared and started taking it out on each other. The picture of the turbulent sky and waves on the lake might describe our situation. Each day got harder and harder for us.

Finally we realized we must create a place of peace for this challenge and it was at that point that we began saying a prayer every single day. We sat for ten minutes each day and asked for help and guidance from a loving power greater than our own minds. Our financial situation did not immediately change, but these ten minutes of peace every day brought a trust into our lives that calmed the turbulence. Every month we somehow made that payment, sometimes by just a few dollars. When we would pray together it felt as if we were sitting in that nest of peace behind the rushing waterfall. We still return to that nest day after day as other challenges and situations come into our lives.

I feel very grateful for this “nest” and the peace that comes from sitting in it each day. For the people who have taken us up on our “ten minute challenge,” their lives change in a special way. We will forever encourage couples and singles to create this nest of peace.

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NOTE: The Vissell’s most recent book, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family, is a heart warming story that should be read by anyone who fears dying.

A Thank You to You and Your Supporters

April 11, 2011

Here is a way to express gratitude for all the people who make your life comfortable.

While I am spending more time working on my videos, I still want to have something interesting for you to read two or three times a week in the blog. So I have been thinking of topics that won’t take terribly long to write.

Therefore, as I sat down to breakfast this morning, I decided a quick topic could be sharing of my morning gratitude, which I have done in the past. For example, last Thanksgiving in Giving Thanks to People I Don’t Know I wrote about how I am particularly grateful to people I don’t know personally, but who nevertheless help make my life enjoyable and allow me to do what I need to do.

Then, as I was giving my thanks, I had to laugh out loud. You’ll see what I mean.

I give thanks for the people who package the dried strawberries I like with my cereal — and to the people who give them support.

I give thanks for Thomas Garrison who hosts my websites and for helping me solve numerous problems — and to the people who give him support.

I give thanks for the person who wrote the instruction book about ACT [a database for keeping track of contacts] that I am learning — and the people who give her support.

I give thanks for the people who made the swing on my deck so I could sit out there and read the paper — and to the people who give them support.

I give thanks to the people who make brochures for the places we will visit this summer — and to the people who give them support.

I give thanks to my husband for all his help — and to the people who give him support.*

* That’s what made me laugh. I’m the one who gives him support —- and he supports me. It’s a nice arrangement after 51 years.

When you thank someone or give a prayer of thanks, do you also thank those who support those on whom you rely? I find it’s a great way to realize that I am connected to people all over the world.

The Simplest Prayer

March 8, 2011

Learn how to bring calm and clarity into your life with two simple sentences.

This morning as I was offering gratitude for breakfast, I first expressed my thanks for what I was about to eat. Then I said a prayer I often say when I want to simplify my life and my connection with the wider world. In fact, I call it my “simplest prayer” and usually repeat it several times, each time putting emphasis on different words.

“Here I am. I am here.”

After I said it, I expressed a wish to whoever or whatever was listening to my heart that I would like a suggestion for a blog topic for today. There is a bunch of stuff I have to do and yet didn’t want to get behind on posts. Something simple was needed.

That’s when the thought of writing about the simplest prayer came to mind.

Of course, some of you may not think of this as a “prayer.” You may believe that prayers have to include requests of some kind or acknowledgment of error or thanks for blessings received. For me, however, this statement, if said in sincerity, feels very much like a prayer that will be “heard” by whatever power in the universe listens and influences our lives.

So here is a brief explanation about what these two short sentences mean to me when expressed as a prayer.

First, “here” means that I acknowledge I am wherever I am emotionally, physically and mentally at that moment. I am right where I am. Sitting where I am sitting. Feeling what I am feeling. When I say this, I feel connected with the ground and everything around me.

Next, “I” refers to the person I experience at my core. I acknowledge that I am the one who is thinking my thoughts. I am this singular person who has never been before and will never be again. There is nothing either grand or insignificant about me. I simply am. Just this thought brings me serenity.

Finally, “am” emphasizes the being of life, not the doing of it. For me, this part of the prayer is a declaration of acceptance. In saying this, I open my heart and mind to whatever may be the purpose of my life that day, that moment. In so far as I am able to feel connected with a sense of God or Spirit that lies behind and under and through the universe in which I live, “am” expresses my willingness to live as fully as I can; to carry out whatever I am supposed to do for the greater good.

I suggest you use this prayer, these two brief sentences, whenever you feel caught  between opposing forces and uncertain of how to proceed. Somehow, by acknowledging you are where you are and who you are, you open a map that can guide you from that moment to the next.

Since this blog is about enriching your life and your relationships, I suggest you consider what might happen to your relationships if you used this simple prayer throughout the day.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Related articles:

Putting Qualities of the Human Spirit Into Practice
Opening Both Side of the Brain: Breathing Essentials
To What Should You Surrender?
Intuition: Whispers From the Soul

How Far Does Your Gratitude Extend?

May 22, 2010

How can you use gratitude to realize that every person who directly helps you in some way is supported by a widening circle of people that extends around the goal?

A few years ago I wrote that before I have breakfast I always begin with a simple “Thank you, God,” addressing my sentiment to the spirit or power that I believe supports my presence on this earth. Then I always include at least two more thanks. One concerns the source of my food for my physical and emotional well-being. The other is often influenced by something I see in the paper.

This morning I gave thanks for my oatmeal, which came out of a package of instant oats and which I haven’t had it for awhile. The way my thanks went is something like this:

I am grateful for the farmer who grew the oats, the people who designed the tractor with which he harvested the oats, the person who drove the truck to the factory where the oats were processed, the mechanic who oiled the machine so it would work effectively, the accountant who wrote a check to that person so he would get paid for his labors, the person who designed the package so it would be one that I would choose, the clerk who stacked the shelf on which I found it, the clerk who sold me the tea kettle in which I boiled the water for the cereal, the person who supports her by being a friend or partner,  the store that employees her, the accountant at that store who sees that she gets paid, and so on.

The Los Angeles Times, which I read as I eat breakfast, always has a story on the front page that gives me a chance to be grateful for the photographer who took the picture (worth a thousand words), the person who designed the camera, the person who taught her how to take the picture, the reporter who took the facts and turned them into an article written with a deadline I don’t think I could manage, those who provide support to the photographer, the reporter, the person who delivers my paper, etc.

Again, having a paper to read is a great opportunity to see myself as a recipient of an ever-widening circle of news gatherers and those on whom they rely for support.

Then today I gave particular thanks for members of my mastermind group, which is part of the Self Growth Marketing program. You see, recently I listened to a teleseminar by David Riklin of SelfGrowth.com as he critiqued several websites and I decided I had to redo the Support4Change homepage. Then in the weekly call of the group I asked Cheryl, Billie, Kathryn, Holly, Tera, Emily, Donna, and Kayli what they thought of the design. Well, they told me. And they were right. I needed to redesign it again. Now I like it much better and will again ask their feedback next Thursday. (You can check out the homepage and give me your own feedback.)

When I thought of them before eating my breakfast this morning, I felt especially grateful to each of them for their willingness to give their opinions so I can keep making Support4Change a site in which I am proud. I also felt gratitude for all the people who support Cheryl, Billie, Kathryn, Holly, Tera, Emily, Donna, and Kayli —- and all the people who support them and all the people who support them and . . .

If you give thanks like this, you will realize that giving thanks for your food, the news you read in the paper or see on television, and the help you get from others only scratches the surface. As your gratitude expands beyond the immediate help or blessing you have been given, you will recognize that every person who directly helps you in some way is supported by a widening circle of people that extends around the globe. You need all of them and they need you as well.

What Narrative Do You Believe?

April 28, 2010

What is the narrative or belief that supports your opinions and actions?

A segment on 60 Minutes this past Sunday was called “Jihadists and ‘The Narrative.’ ” It told the story of a Britain named Maajid Nawaz, who was a non-practicing Muslim when, at the age of 13, he became a “genuine, committed ideologue,” convinced of the truth of what he calls “the narrative” — the belief that America hates Muslims and wants to destroy them.

After recruiting many people to the cause, he eventually went to Egypt, was arrested and put in jail with jihadists who had been there for twenty or more years and had gone through a process where they had abandoned their jihadist views. At first he thought it was his job to re-convince them that the narrative was right. But through the discussion process he began doubting the strength of his own convictions.

He could see that “today’s radical ideology is closer to fascism than true Islam.” After four years in prison, he returned to England and now rebuts the “very narrative he once passionately promoted.” In fact, he believes that “countering the narrative is the core of the solution, making this narrative as unfashionable as Communism has become today.”

It was refreshing to watch him discuss these ideas with other Muslims and to notice that he could actually make progress with some of them, though his goal of countering the narrative will be slow and will take a long time. Toward that end he co-founded the Quilliam Foundation, a think tank that is mostly funded by the British government. The idea is to influence the two million British citizens who are Muslim, especially the roughly 2,000 of them who the government says are Islamic radicals who pose a threat to national security.

As I watched the show, I was glad to see someone counter a myth that has caused the deaths of thousands, and will probably cause many more deaths before the number of Muslims who believe in it are fewer. Yet I wonder who many viewers were ready to challenge their own most cherished assumptions.

We all believe in a narrative that helps explains our world view, our philosophy of life, and most of all, our religion or spirituality.

The problem comes when we accept our narrative as true without question, which is at the core of political positions we hold. For example, one narrative claims that illegal immigrants, undocumented immigrants — or whatever you call the people who have become the center of intense controversy in Arizona and the rest of the United States — cost more than they provide to the economy. Another narrative claims the opposite.

Both positions cannot be exclusively true at the same. However, truth can be found somewhere between the opinions on the left and on the right. To reach that point requires persons holding both positions to examine their narratives more closely. To examine the narratives we hold requires courage and an open mind, which is often in short supply in those with the most strongly held positions. To find courage requires us to recognize the danger of continuing on a path of conflict that is likely to end in even worse problems than we have now.

When we have found our courage, we can stop denigrating the narratives of others (even when we are convinced the suppositions behind those narratives are shaky, after all, they seem accurate to the other guy). Most of all,  courage requires us to acknowledge that possibly, just possibly, there may be flaws in the facts we use to shore up our opinions.

One of the most difficult narratives to dislodge is the narrative that lies behind religious beliefs. Three years ago in the blog I wrote a two-part post called Examining Why You Believe What You Believe. In it I posed questions such as the following:

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS

• What do I see in nature that causes me to believe in the religion I profess, or to not believe in a religion?
• How do my relationships, ethnicity and sex affect my choice of a religion or spiritual practice, or do they cause me not to believe in a religion at all?
• What effect does my understanding of history and current events have on my religious beliefs?
• If I believe in a “God” (or a spirit or power I call by another name), would I define my God as authoritarian, benevolent, critical, or distant? What is there in my experience that supports my belief?
• What is there about my life that causes me to conclude the creation of the universe occurred as I believe it did?

If you believe that God will punish you if you don’t toe the official line, then you better know the rules. If you aren’t sure that you know the rules, you will tend to believe there is someone else who does and believe that person.

Then, if you are a Muslim, you might agree with the “logic” of Ayatollah Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a senior Iranian cleric. According to the Times of India, he said that earthquakes are caused by, “Many women who do not dress modestly . . . lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society.”

If you are a fundamentalist Christian who believes Pat Robertson speaks for God, you will more likely to accept his statement that the earthquake in Haiti can be blamed on the “Haitian’s pact with the devil.”

Robertson wasn’t the first Christian who saw moral implications in earthquakes and other “acts of God.” Back in 1750 John Wesley, founder of the Methodist church, placed the blame of earthquakes on mankind, though God was the one who carried out the sentence of retribution for mankind’s sins.

Most of us today scoff at these attempts to explain events over which we have no control, but for centuries, until tectonic plates were discovered, humans tried to explain them with whatever evidence they had. Since part of their experience was a belief in a God who sent whatever came into their lives, refreshing rain or floods, health or disease, quiet tremors or major earthquakes, it was natural that divine forces were blamed, or praised, for whatever happened in their lives

It is easy to see that once you blindly accept the theory behind a narrative or belief, you are more likely to slide down a slippery slope to acceptance of questionable beliefs.

This is not to imply that there is no validity to our narratives. The narrative that says children who are criticized are likely to become critical adults, or the narrative that says spouses who treat one another with kindness are likely to remain married, have good evidence to back up that position.

What evidence do you have for your view of the world and what should be done to make it a better place for everyone, even those who disagree with you?