Unique Funeral Ideas:
Planning Memorial Services That Begin the Healing Journey Out of Grief
BY ARLENE HARDER, MA, MFT
The funeral is an organized, purposeful, flexible, time-limited, group-centered reaction to a loss.
— Lamers, 1965
Transform grief with a special, healing service unique to the individual being remembered.
When you remember funeral services you've attended, how many have clearly reflected the life of the person who has died? How many have changed an occasion of loss into an opportunity to celebrate a life, a celebration that supports the healing and growth of those who are burdened with loss?
Except for remembering you went to the funeral, you probably can't recall what was said at most of those events you've attended. That's probably because, not infrequently, funerals are so generic it's hard to believe the people who officiated actually knew the person upon whose life they were commenting. And it doesn't matter what frailties people had when they were living. Once they're dead, they're saints!
How much better to attend a funeral or memorial service where you're really CELEBRATING a life! Designing a funeral to honor the true character and achievements of a person can provide good memories for all who attend the service. It can also set the stage for recovery of those who grieve by giving them an experience of something positive when life seems very dark and sad.
Therefore, I invite you to consider the possibility that a funeral or memorial service need not be generic, somber, grave — or humorless. It is my hope to show you, through three sample funeral programs in this Transformation section, that marking the passing of loved ones through celebrations that represent these people in a special way can contribute to the recovery of grief.
There are three of my family's funeral services that reflect this philosophy. Two occurred in the summer of 1989. That year one of my favorite aunts and my father were honored and celebrated in services that reflected their personalities in very distinctive ways. In fact, the services were so remarkable that several people asked to have a copy of the remarks made at their services!
The other memorial service was for my grandson who was nineteen when he died in a car crash in 2004. While pulling together his unique funeral service was very difficult, the service allowed friends and family to remember him the way I believe he would like to be remembered.
Online Help for Creating Unique Funeral Service
There are thousands of websites that offer creative funeral ideas and tips on planning a funeral service or for printing funeral programs. I have included links to two that I believe are particularly good.
Creative Memorial Service Planning has several e-books for unique funeral ideas. (An individual e-book is $9.95, and you can buy the set of five for $19.95.)
1. Creative Funeral Ideas
2. Beautiful Funeral Poems
3. Best Funeral Songs
4. How to Write a Eulogy
5. Funeral Preplanning Handout
The website notes that "The only rule about a Memorial Service is that it should provide a loving and positive remembrance of the deceased. . . There is nothing that says that a Funeral or a Memorial Service has to be costly. There are dozens of ways to keep the cost down and still provide that perfect tribute to your loved one. Don't be fooled into thinking that expense equals a good service."
Here are some of their suggestions for designing a memorial service:
 A unique location that meant something to the deceased
Music that truly reflects the individual you are memorializing
Creating a true celebration of the life of your loved one
Including symbolic gestures like candle ceremonies
Including aspects of your loved ones hobbies or occupation
Planning the service around a theme
Using unique ethnic rituals in the ceremony
Providing meaningful mementoes of the deceased to those attending the ceremony
Another fine website was created by Patrick Crowley for those who need to create a program for a funeral. What is lovely about Celebrate Their Life is that he has created a variety of lovely memorial templates that can be customized for different religions.
The online process he has created makes it easy for you to submit your pictures and thoughts. Then he prints them on museum-quality papers. You can include prayers, poems, and phrases you can get from his library. What I like about this program is that when you want to have a memorial service at a time of great stress, you can hand out a creative program without having to do all of it yourself.
With his free advice you will learn how to put together a service of which you will be pleased. Also, he can customize your program if you wish. Visit the site and I think you will notice that he helps you create a lovely feeling of warmth and connection with the person whose life is being celebrated.
I welcome your ideas and experiences in creating both unique and traditional funeral services that celebrate the life of the person being remembered.
© 2006, Arlene Harder, MA, MFT |
